CLARA FRANCESCA is a multi-lingual, international touring “philosopher of the heart making art”, as a playwright, actor, director, musician, producer, speech consultant and teaching artist. She holds a double Bachelors Degree in Laws & Biomedical Sciences as a graduate of Monash University in Melbourne, Australia. An inaugural alumni member of New York City’s SITI Company’s Conservatory she has worked with Anne Bogart, Roger Hendricks Simon, Tony Greco, Mary Overlie, Bill T. Jones, Laura Sheedy, Tom Nelis, Barney O’Hanlon, Darron West, Robert Woodruff, Tina Landau, Chuck Mee, Belinda Mello, Moises Kaufman, and the Martha Graham Studio, specializing in Suzuki, Viewpoints, and Alexander Technique. Teaching Artist credits include NY TownHall, East Village Phoenix Ensemble fr. Jean Cocteau Rep, Acting Antics, Australian Shakespeare Company. Clara has been a two-time guest adjudicator for the Mildura Eisteddfod Speech & Drama Festival, and Victorian Debating Association. Awards include Best Actress Fairfax Melbourne Arts Centre for self-devised solo play, Best Performance SaraSolo International Festival, Best Actress two-time nominee Independent New York Theater Awards, Dante Alighieri Society three-time winner, Alliance Francaise Poetry two-time winner, recipient of the Dame Joan Sutherland Australian American Association Scholarship for Artistic Excellence and co-lead in multiple films, including Cannes Film Festival Distribution Market recipient. She is a former Victorian Actors’ Benevolent Trust Committee Member. Clara has parlayed these experiences into a successful speech coaching business with an impressive client portfolio over fourteen years from C-suite executives to UN interns, from five year olds to seventy. Clara specializes in speech-anxiety reduction and fostering people with the confidence to walk into any room and share their authentic voice. Clara continues to act in all mediums, notable IMDBcredits and is a featured voiceover artist with household names Salvatore Ferragamo, Audible Books, Pokémon and Shiseido www.clarafrancesca.com
Scientist, psychophysiologist, executive vice president and director of research at HeartMath Institute, member of the Global Coherence Steering committee and project coordinator of GCI’s Global Coherence Monitoring System.
Rollin McCraty, Ph.D., director of research at the HeartMath Institute, is a professor at Florida Atlantic University. McCraty is a psychophysiologist whose interests include the physiology of emotion. One of his primary areas of focus is the mechanisms by which emotions influence cognitive processes, behavior, health and the global interconnectivity between people and Earth’s energetic systems. He has been with HeartMath Institute since its founding in 1991 by Doc Childre. He has worked closely with Childre to develop HMI’s research goals and has been instrumental in researching and developing the HeartMath System of tools and technology.
McCraty and the members of his research team have worked in joint partnership with research groups at Stanford University, Claremont Graduate University, Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Prince Sultan Cardiac Center in Saudi Arabia and the University of Lithuania among many others.
He has been interviewed for many feature articles in publications that include Prevention, Natural Health, Men’s Fitness and American Health magazines, and has appeared in television segments for CNN Headline News, ABC World News Tonight, ABC’s Good Morning America, NBC’s Today Show, PBS’s Body & Soul and the Discovery Channel. He has been featured in many documentary films, including I Am, The Truth, The Joy of Sox, The Power of the Heart, Solar Revolution, and The Living Matrix among others.
McCraty’s critical research on heart rate variability and heart-rhythm coherence has gained international attention in the scientific community and is helping to change long-held perceptions about the heart’s role in health, behavior, performance and quality of life.
He is one of the primary creators of the Global Coherence Initiative and the principal designer of the Global Coherence Monitoring System and its international network of magnetic field sensor sites. Related to this, McCraty heads up HMI and GCI researchers investigating the relationship between human and geomagnetic field environments and the interconnectedness of and communication among all living systems. They also investigate how these fields act as central synchronizing signals within the body, carry emotional information and serve as key mediators of energetic interactions between people and living systems.
McCraty is a member of the American Autonomic Society, Pavlovian Society, National Association for Psychological Science, Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback and Society for Scientific Exploration.
His studies, research and extensive professional articles have appeared in numerous journals, including the American Journal of Cardiology, Journal of the American College of Cardiology, Stress Medicine and Biological Psychology. He contributes periodically to the Global Advances in Health and Medicine journal.
Rollin McCraty 0:05
Well, as it turns out, whenever you’re the heartbeat, you have the current flows in the body. They also radiate magnetic fields, I mean, produce magnetic fields, which easily radiate right through the skin and out into the environment around us. Now, how do I know that? Well, let’s take a different device called a magnetometer.
Rollin McCraty 0:24
Which measures magnetic fields out here in space in front of the body and measure the hearts magnetic field. Yeah, and I think relevant to what you guys are talking about on your interviews and shows a lot is to also through those same years is when a lot of our natural kindness and compassion and stuff kind of gets beat out of us. So I just kind of use that as a backdrop or an analogy for what I mean, to where, you know, we start evolving to where it makes more sense, even for our own. Many, many studies bear out what I’m about to say here, that it’s really collaborate collaborating with others and being kind and compassionate is the best for our own careers, and certainly for our relationships. That was just enough for you even invited me this. I was just reading something that what women want most in men is kindness.
Clay Boykin 1:16
Hello, my name is Clay Boykin, and I am in search of the new compassionate male. I believe in the midst of these incredible times of change. A new compassionate male is emerging. As the new archetype in this podcast is intended to give voice to both men and women on the overarching topic of compassion consciousness in men.
Dennis Tardan 1:41
Hello, world it’s me Dennis and Welcome to In Search of the new compassionate male. I’m the co host and I’m here with the founder and my partner, Clay Boykin Hello, Clay. Hey, Dennis, how you doing? Great. Good. Today we have and I’m thrilled to say Dr. Roland McCrady. Dr. McCrady is the director of research for the Heart Math Institute, an organization that I knew many, many years ago lost track of, and I’m anxious to hear what he’s got to share with us today. He’s also a professor at Florida Atlantic University. And he is a psycho physiologist. And he studies and he studies the physiology of emotion.
Rollin McCraty 2:26
Oh, welcome, Roland, thank you for joining us today. Oh, it’s great to be here. It was right there. Great to rediscover clay. I think we probably met. I don’t know. 1820 years ago, maybe something? So I think so. I was with Motorola at the time. In Austin. I think y’all were doing some work with Motorola. Maybe in Florida, and work for a few places actually a few places during that era. Yeah. And I had the occasion to fly out and, and spend a little time and, and then come back. And I always remember that. Yeah. You know, I’m an ex Motorola, my person myself. That’s right. And were you in Phoenix? No, I was a communications engineer. So I was a field engineer. I was I went out and fix the stuff, you know, for police fire departments when the locals couldn’t, you know, I was that guy that. Got it? Well, I’m a little semiconductor guy. So I put the stuff in the stuff that you fixed. Yeah.
Dennis Tardan 3:24
Yeah. How wonderful. And I’m a consumer. So Motorola has happened to be in as I pick this right out. This is a Motorola phone. So I’m a consumer I this is this is the great great grandchild of all the work that you guys have done. Well, unfortunately, wow. Maybe not, unfortunately. But Motorola is now owned by a Chinese company, I think, ah, well see, as so much of what we’re doing, what a time to be alive. Roland, I, you know, when we’re when we talk about, there’s so much so much, really learning and relearning and rediscovering. And so what I want to start is I want to start about what psycho physiology? Could you please? How do you say that at a cocktail party? What do you how do you how do you describe your field?
Rollin McCraty 4:16
Well, it’s really understanding the I guess I could say it this way, the interface between how we feel how we think and feel, and what goes on in the activity in our bodies. You know, that’s the psycho part. Right? Right feelings, behaviors and physiology. You could say the underlying activity in our brain and nervous system and hormonal system. But, you know, our research is really saying that you can’t quite look at it that way, because it’s just as much as what’s going on in our thoughts, feelings, intuitions, yes, that are really driving the activity in our body and our nervous system and our hormonal system. So it’s kind of a different way of thinking of it, but that’s really What I would say the data really, really suggests it’s really what’s going on I, I don’t know how wide your audience is here, but I tend to call these are energetic systems. Yeah, you know, the vibrations, because they’re actually they are, you just can’t put an emotion or a thought or an intuition under a microscope.
Right. But when when we, you know, when we talk about string theory, and we talk about the work that everything is a vibration that if matter and energy can, can be interchanged, then the vibrations there are what creates whatever we, you know, look upon it collapses. So, how could they not be interchanged? Well, right.
Rollin McCraty 5:38
Yep. Lot. Yeah, in the modern world, but there’s still a lot of people that kind of the blinders on?
Well, yeah, there were a lot of people that had the blinders on with Copernicus or with I mean, this is these are all the things that we’re learning. One of the things that clay and I talk about is that, that radio waves existed before an instrument happen to detect
Rollin McCraty 6:01
blood. Absolutely. Right. I mean, and so much of what we know, from my perspective, what we discover and and there’s certainly great advances going on in material science and technology and all that no question. But you know, our fundamental, really understandings of how the universe and life especially life works, there hasn’t been any significant advance in over 100 years.
That’s exciting. So what impelled you, what impelled you to go in the direction of this from being a motorway engineer, here, you are a motorized roller engineer, you’re, you’re out there, you’re out there working. But there was an impelling to get you in this direction?
Rollin McCraty 6:47
Well, that’s a long story. But I think even before most of my engineering, you know, times, I was military and in the university, Nebraska, and then Motorola. And there was always something in me. Even back to high school, I was a kid who was building Heathkit, radios and transmitters. And you know, in Junior High in high school through that era, and I kind of grew up. My grandfather was a small town mechanic, right? So I from a very early age grew up in that kind of world. And so I was always asking questions, like, well, what is a magnetic field anyway? And nobody could ever answer that. I mean, they give you formulas, and which I’ve forgotten most of now, to be honest. But yeah, but describing the behavior of them. And we’re really good at that. And we can make radio waves carry information, and like we didn’t Motorola still do. But the point I was gonna, well, there’s two questions that I think you’re addressing there. One is what we discover and a lot of things is really mimicking what we biology already does. If that makes sense. It’s we’re talking about radio waves. Well, as it turns out, in some of our work shows that we are broadcasting, radio waves and those waves, not radio waves, but electromagnetic waves, and that those waves carry information, just like we would use on a cell phone. So a lot of what we discover is really, why nature is already figured out and doing much more efficiently than than the technology we invent to try and mimic what’s already going on. So that would
Clay Boykin 8:25
say that there’s a field around us.
Rollin McCraty 8:28
Well, there is.
Clay Boykin 8:29
I want to explain that to me. I mean, I can’t touch it.
Rollin McCraty 8:33
Yeah, well, I’ll do that. But to finish your other question. So I was I had a good time at Motorola don’t get me wrong, but there was always a deeper something right? And I wasn’t quite, I guess wired to care enough to play the the male I guess you could say game especially for this and the corporator thing. So I actually left that world. When I first I went to Miami still working for Motorola. In another context, I supposed to oversee the installation of a country wide communication system in Colombia. And that fell through actually found out many years later why that fell through after I’d already been hired to do shop. But that’s another story. And after that, I, you know, my interests read, I found a book that was talking that was actually about the field called radionics, which is a kind of a more different perspective on biological fields and wet Ray waves and stuff. And that got me intrigued. And that’s kind of what got me into the study of consciousness. And so I moved I packed up my stuff and moved to California to get a degree in consciousness studies, one of the first degrees and the first universities that gave degrees in at a small accredited university actually ended up being here in Boulder Creek, California. And then that got me into you know, meditation, that kind of things and I won’t go through the whole story. But then let’s just say while I get through that, that that crowd of people was part of the group that introduced spirulina to the world. You may have heard of that. But it’s a Super Bowl.
Yes, it’s a superfood, isn’t it? Yeah, you
Rollin McCraty 10:14
can actually live on it. And that got proven many times. And so this, this kind of opened my heart a little bit, I think you could say to what yours were these sort of in the 1970s? Late 70s. Okay, good. All right. And the early 80s was the spirulina thing. And, and as life unfolded, actually, National Enquirer did a cover story on spirulina. And anyway, we went from a company selling about 100 150,000 a month and this stuff through the health food stores and consumers. And thanks to I think I personally wrote about $20 million dollars in business in the next two weeks. So it was a, you know, just way, huge jump. That’s its own story. I don’t want I don’t want to go into all that how we pull that off. But the point of the reason I wanted to share this, the history was we took the profits of that. And because we really were a motive to feed the world’s hungry populations, why we were doing this because I could care less about it otherwise, frankly. So we took the profits of that and went to Southern California, out in the middle of the desert, and proved you could actually grow spirulina and in the middle of a desert and feed the world’s hungry populations, you can set these up locally and problem solved, right? Way ahead of our time. I mean, we had these giant solar powered spray dryers and things to process it, it was all there, it all worked. And that went absolutely nowhere. In terms of solving hunger problems. In hindsight, you know, I talked about that when my idealism bubble got popped, you know, here we are, you know, I mean that because I even through, you know, my other studies and practices, you know, they probably need to see here, I was grounded enough in my electrical engineering side of things that I never got too far into the wacky stuff. Right? If that makes sense. Yeah, I was, I was always pretty grounded through it. But anyway, what I, through that era, you know, we talked about consciousness, you know, it’s really all about consciousness and done and on and on. And so after that experience, that became a felt knowingness, if I could say it that way more than a concept. And so basically, after that experience, and realizing how it was blocked, it was really consciousness problems. It was people, you know, leaders of countries and things. I basically said, well, heck with this humanitarian stuff, I’m gonna go make money again. My dad, so I started a company in electrostatics, and kind of went into that field and, and we grew to a multimillion dollar company, and just a very short time, two or three years. And that was a fun ride to I had a great time through that. And, but there was still that deeper, yearning, you know, of kind of think what I incarnated with more, probably more likely, you know, looking back, even into my childhood, that I really wanted to do something, you know, better, better the world, not just my own life. And so another sports car in a driveway wasn’t kind of doing it. And so, then I met duck children. Well, I kind of vowed to myself that I’m not going to get really involved in this humanitarian type things or, you know, doing good for the world. Unless it’s something that can really shift consciousness, you know, it people in a mass scale, because otherwise, I might as well go have a good life and make lots of money. And
exactly, I mean, when you talk about shifting consciousness, let’s take this smartphone, no, no. Technology has ever been adopted as quickly. As as the smartphone has from from not being there to how quickly people are. So that was a shift in consciousness. Right? So a shift in consciousness from from a mechanical standpoint.
Rollin McCraty 14:14
No, that’s not how I mean it. I’m talking about something quite different. Let me let me give you another example. Please. I used to say not that many years ago that I’d read this you know, in some papers and things that with 10% of the world’s military budget that every every human being on planet Earth, could be fed, have clean water educated and have housing at least basic all their basic needs met exactly 10% of what we spend on more and bombs and that kind of nonsense, right? The bucket could never find the reference until about three years ago when I met cilia Silla elsewhere, they he was actually been nominated for three but three Nobel Peace Prizes. And in fact, I’ve got her book laid out here this business plan for peace. She’s going to be a speaker at one of our upcoming events here. Wonderful. And but what that was really neat, because she did the actual the hardcore math and work on it. And I was when I was saying 10%, I was wrong. It’s far less than 10%. Wow, is this not a problem in consciousness? So it’s not technology. We don’t need another iPhone, or smartphone, or we have everything right now and have had for years that would solve these problems. That is clearly a problem in human consciousness. So it makes sense. Does that help give you what I’m talking about?
Absolutely. It absolutely does. Because Because if this is wonderful, all right, continue, continue. Okay.
Rollin McCraty 15:50
So anyway, it’s, you know, our own growth and how we are able to self regulate, and really be more inclusive and compassionate and kind. And
that’s why we’re in search of right fi.
Clay Boykin 16:03
It absolutely is, you know, we’ve been, for the past two years, we’ve been talking to men and women all over the world. And, you know, that’s why we call it in search of the new compassionate male. I may be an idealist. But I think that and I believe that underneath all of the negative things that we’re seeing out in the world, that there’s an undercurrent of compassion, and that there’s a shift that’s coming in, we’re in the midst of where combat compassion, consciousness is going to going to rise up. And that’s why I was particularly interested in talking with you to compare notes on which what you think about that?
Rollin McCraty 16:47
Well, we have an annual event that we do on one of our projects called the Global coherence initiative. And the title of it is the rise of collective compassion. That’s in March, three days, three, half days, march 18 19th. And 20th, I believe, but
both virtually and on site.
Rollin McCraty 17:04
Yeah, we’re having to do we used to do these as big gatherings. We used to go to Vida buddy to Cancun, and they were great events that we had down there just be about our eight years, but the last year, and this year, we’re having to virtually because of the obviously the current pandemic era here right now.
Clay Boykin 17:21
Wow. So HeartMath Institute, orchestrates and puts that on globally. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my goodness.
Rollin McCraty 17:28
So which is part of our mentioned global coherence initiative, which is one of our projects. I don’t know how wide you guys want to get here. But I
Clay Boykin 17:38
think I want to I think I want to go there. Yeah. Somewhere along the line, I want to look
Rollin McCraty 17:42
at let me let me tie this back in now to your question. You asked me a few minutes ago. Clay. You know, when you asked me about we radiate fields. Absolutely. So it’s, sometimes people push back on this. And it’s just the absolute Craziest thing. One of the books on my bookshelf back here is a book on by electromagnetism. And there’s a drawing in it from 1863, where people had actually externally measured the fields of the body and had it right. So it’s not like this is something I invented, right? I mean, every hospital has equipment to measure what’s called mcg? Well, let me let me back up. We put electrodes across the body to measure your heartbeat electrocardiogram or on your head to measure brainwaves or the EEG, what those devices are literally measuring its current flow. Right there differential amplifiers, I probably you know what I mean, by that?
Clay Boykin 18:39
Well, I was in marketing, so maybe not
Rollin McCraty 18:44
an electronics background, but
just just just nod when Yes, yes, of course. Of course. I know. differential amplifiers all the time, of course.
Rollin McCraty 18:55
Basically, you’re measuring the flow of electricity, right. That’s really what it that’s why it’s called the electrocardiogram or electroencephalograph for measuring brainwaves. So when I were there, this is physics 101. I mean, whenever you have a flow of electrical current, you create a magnetic field. Right? So and the heartbeat is by far the largest source of rhythmic electrical, magnetic magnetic energy in the body. So we measure the heartbeat and millivolts and you measure brainwaves in micro volts in order magnitude. Wow, later, right. So I let’s use our cell phone analogy. If you held Joseph’s I’ll hold mine up here. We got one, two. So cell phones work indoors, right?
Rollin McCraty 19:39
Well, those invisible waves are going through the wall. Well, it’s the magnetic component that’s going through the wall. Right, that’s what we’re using to carry your voice or the pitcher, you know, whatever. We’re modulating that signal. Someone I know a little bit about from my old days, right and my original career Well, as it turns out, whenever you’re the heartbeat You have the current flows in the body. Do they also radiate magnetic fields, I mean, produce magnetic fields which easily radiate right through the skin and out into the environment around us. Now, how do I know that? Well, let’s take a different device called a magnetometer which measured magnetic fields out here in space in front of the body and measure the hearts magnetic field. Now, every most large hospitals have devices called MC G’s, Magneto cardiogram, where you can, you don’t have, you don’t touch the body with anything physical, you’ve measured the field of the body. Now, I’m not going to go into why that’s better for certain why hospitals have them. But just, I don’t think it’d be that interesting right now. But point is, every time the heart beats, we radiate a magnetic field, and you can back up that magnetometer about three feet before you lose the capacity to detect the Hartsfield, you take the same sensor you back up about it, you can measure also brainwaves externally without touching, you back up about an inch before you lose. Right, the capacity to detect that signal. So clearly the hearts the big player here, it wasn’t this guy just goes back into the 90s. In our research here at the Heart Math Institute, using about the same techniques I would have used back in my Motorola days to decode or demodulate the information being carried by in this case, a radio wave to carry the signal, he has them the same thing, just applied those to the heart signal. And lo and behold, you can demodulate and see the information patterns carried by the field. And only that you can actually hook yourself up and get the right equipment and watch this, these frequency patterns change in real time as we change our emotional state.
Clay Boykin 21:42
Now, now, is that is that anything like biofeedback?
Rollin McCraty 21:47
Well, it’s we can take that we actually develop the first commercial consumer level biofeedback. So yes, yes and no. Right. So biofeedback is big is a kind of a term, right, measuring something and feeding back the result. So looking in a mirror and smiling as a form of biofeedback, you know, so what underlies that infer those information being patterns that we are literally broadcasting that we are radiating to the field into our we can call it your personal field environment has to do with the what’s called heart rate variability. And so what that is, is and you would remember this about we taught probably back when you were here many years ago, clay but in a healthy person, our heart rate changes with every heartbeat. So most people know what heart rate is right to simply how many times is the heartbeat in a minute. But in reality, our heart rate changing with each and every heartbeat. So the time drill always vary in time between each consecutive pair of heartbeats. And that actually is a way that that physiology encodes information is the space between things.
So there’s really no such thing as a steady heartbeat, not not
Rollin McCraty 23:05
in a healthy person. In fact, if you if your heart rate becomes metronomic, like that is one of the strongest indicators of serious future health problems. Wow. And that predicts things like cancer, heart, sudden cardiac death, metabolic, a whole list of things, this is not a good thing. And so physiologically speaking, it’s a you can think of it as a simple form of Morse code. Of course, physiology is a lot more complex than, you know Long’s and shorts, but it’s the same one same process. And that, so that heart rhythm, this is what underlies our heart rhythm, the patterns of that this is going back to our earlier work in the 90s, again, is the most reflective of a person’s emotional state. So our heart rhythm pattern becomes very chaotic looking when we’re feeling anxious or frustrated or impatient. Not compassionate, right? Whereas it what was really surprising in a way back again, going back to the early 90s, in our work was that the our bodies and our physiology literally shifts into a completely different functional or operational mode. When we’re feeling heartfelt feelings, I use that word that’s thinking doesn’t work. You can think appreciation, you know, thank you for opening the door for me. But when you feel it, it’s a very, that’s what drives physiology is the emotion of it the feeling. But when we feel things like appreciation, or compassion, which are all part of the love spectrum and my way of thinking that shifted the physiology in a completely different mode that we actually figured out what to call it took us a few years, we ended up calling coherence which has become a term all over the place now in terms of physiological functioning. And so when we’re, as it turns out, we actually have what is called A resonant frequency our bodies do. Right. And when we’re operating in it, that actually ends up being the same pattern that we were seeing when people are feeling things like compassion and appreciation and so on. We switch modes into a highly opera into a highly efficient functional state. So then that also mirrors the frequency literal frequencies, we’re broadcasting and radiating out into the environment. There’s a mathematical relationship between the rhythms of the heart and the information in the field. I hope that made sense.
Clay Boykin 25:32
Okay. I think I’m with you. A coherence. First thing I think of is, oh, my heart rate slowed down and it’s you know, and I’m calm and collected. But that’s, it’s more than that.
Rollin McCraty 25:47
And you’re talking about relaxation, relaxation, okay? Alright, so let’s talk about the word coherence, you know, you look it up in the dictionary, the first definition usually has to do with like, now we’re having a conversation. And I’m hopefully I’m putting my words together in a string and in a way that conveys a meaning past all the individual words, in other words as a coherent argument, or a coherent statement, and if I had a little bit too much to drink to this morning, and I muttering nonsense, that you would say, I am not coherent, I’m incoherent, right and go here, exactly. But that’s, that’s kind of the common people level of it. But it’s really similar in fit science and physics and coherence as a concept use pretty universally in science and physics now. And, in general, we use the word coherence when we’re talking about complex systems, like us, like EA, or even a cell is a compact system living system. So within the physics and science context, coherence has a lot of related meanings that are kind of umbrella, it means that the parts of a system have to be in communication. So it implies connectedness and correlation among the parts, right, because they have to somehow talk to each other to be working together in a harmonious way to give rise to a function that’s beyond the sum of the parts. And it also implies energy efficiency in a coherent. So we use coherence if we’re talking about the cosmos, you know, that’s a common term right? Or, certainly, if we’re talking about our physiology, so to have it to be in a coherent physiological state or heart rate, heart rhythm, coherence, as we now call it, that means a lot is going on in our bodies, that we’ve actually shifted into a more efficient functional state. So we’re also now vibrating if you will oscillate in or at our natural resonant frequency. So in other words, the heart long brain blood, blood pressure rhythms are all synchronizing synchronous, doing less work to get more done.
Got in some bats where and
Rollin McCraty 28:02
the heart and brain come into synchrony as well, the activity of the
heart and rink and that’s where your instruments and the work that you’re doing at the Heart Math Institute, are designed to do?
Rollin McCraty 28:13
What? Yes, so that was early, all the stuff I’m talking about now goes back into the 90s, in our work, so that once we really understood the physiology in this new functional state, I mean, that was what we have. It’s always been there. Sure. I mean, we’re always can we heard incoherent and people been in the states all along? That we were just to kind of the first look at it more deeply and say, wow, look what happens, you know, and by the way, I’m kind of rambling here, but at that time, when you search the medical literature, I think I could find three papers that had to do with what we would think of as positive emotions. Why 1000s on things like stress, anxiety, depression, right? Three
on what a waste
Rollin McCraty 28:54
on positive now that’s changed. You know, there’s a whole new movement called positive psychology and all this going on out there.
If we study if we study why people keep keep saying, that is so valuable. Yeah.
Rollin McCraty 29:08
Alright, so anyway, the point is not very few researchers that actually looked at what’s going on when we feel good. It was all focused on the negative side, right. Anyway, once we identified the state, and it was so clear that we naturally go into this ops dysfunctional mode called coherence is optimal state. When we feel good, you know, you walk out you may not say this, but you walk out the door to yourself, in other words, in the morning, and it’s one of those days, you know, the blue skies and the perfect disco Hakata What a beautiful day. You’re feeling appreciation of how I mean, you may not think that and you’re naturally going into this more coherent state.
That kind of like being in the zone. Well, it would be what underlies
Rollin McCraty 29:59
Right. Is that makes it that makes sense clay?
Clay Boykin 30:05
It does it does. I just, every once in a while I hit a straight golf ball, it feels so good.
Rollin McCraty 30:13
Because you’re a golfer you retake up your cones, parents practices, because it’s huge a lot of golfers have find if they get coherent before they take the shot. You know, there’s there’s over 400 studies now and people when they learn how to get independent of us that have followed up on our research, that we feel better and we perform better whether it’s golf or Olympic athletes. You know, whatever tennis I mean, the list goes on a lot of professional athletes use it now as well.
Rollin I want to go back to this, this idea that it takes less if that we could solve so much of the world’s problems with less than 10% of the debt, the defense budgets? What is between that, that solution and where we are now? And how can what you’re doing and the things that that we’re doing the science get us to that that very, very same place,
Rollin McCraty 31:12
and evolution of consciousness. And so from my perspective, consciousness is evolving,
right? So we are if we are going through, are we because it feels to me that we’re that whatever the imperative was to go from the chimpanzee in the bonobo to the hominid to the something is happening now that there is an evolutionary imperative. Something is going on that we’re going into. And it is an evolution in consciousness. And that’s where it where it’s happening.
Rollin McCraty 31:44
Yeah, and if that word is kind of strange or unfamiliar, consciousness, colored awareness, you know, or maturity, right? Yes. Because they’re all kind of interchangeable in a way.
So we’re in we’re in our, in our human species. We’re at like, like, like, I don’t know, where you would be? Are we in the teens? Are we’re in our teens as a species? Are we are we evolving, that we can evolve into?
Rollin McCraty 32:15
We’re probably not quite to our teens yet. You know, I’ve never used this analogy for a bit. Think about it when we are cute little kids. So I grew up in the Midwest at a time, you know, that’s very different than I think these days, you know, and there was a period I come from or how old I was that the backyard was our boundary. Right. And then we as we matured, and we developed a certain level of self regulation. Right, like, be home by dark. It’d be literally exactly right, then the block became the boundaries, you know, an off playing with the other kids in their places. And Matt and, and then there was the next boundary with the next level of maturity and capacity to self regulate was now, you know, you look before you cross the street, so you don’t get ran over and, you know, kind of basic stuff, but it really was maturing, you know, and awareness. Then, in my days, the town became the next boundary. Certainly, right. Probably same for you guys, your
neighbors looking out for one another. If I did something, and that was reported back, it was well, yeah,
Rollin McCraty 33:25
that that too. But the point is, I’m making we are evolved, or our awareness was evolving. Absolutely. Right. And for a lot of people we get we graduate high school, or we great college that kind of stops. Right? If you get my where I’m going with that?
Clay Boykin 33:41
Yeah, it’s like going back to high school reunion 40 years later, and pick up right where you left off.
Rollin McCraty 33:48
Yeah, and I think relevant to what you guys are talking about on your interviews and shows a lot. It’s also obviously those same years is when a lot of our natural kindness, and compassion and stuff kind of gets beat out of us. Yes. If you will, you know, and especially later in that development process. So I just kind of use that as a backdrop or an analogy for what I mean, to where, you know, we start evolving to where it makes more sense, even for our own. Many, many studies bear out what I’m about to say here, that it’s really collaborate collaborating with others and being kind. And compassionate is the best for our own careers. And certainly for our relationships. I’m just in for you even invited me this. I was just reading something. What Women Want most in men is kindness.
It’s It’s amazing. It’s extraordinary what we can do and what I love about that, and what play and I have certainly experienced at all, is that it’s there. It’s an it’s our nature, but it gets I love the way you were saying it was beaten out of us or it was layered over or whatever and it’s De construction that gets it back to our natural state, which is, which is love.
Rollin McCraty 35:06
Yeah, so we have to unlearn a lot of what we lost I I’ve had to, you know
me to that so much of that has been, has been part of that. So where are you now rollin at? Tell me what what your your work is in helping to elevate the consciousness or to or to bring into the coherence?
Rollin McCraty 35:30
Well the reason I got involved 30 Some years ago after infection sold my electrostatics company for way less than it was worth kind of quickly exit and do what I do now was met the founder of HeartMath, Doc Childress, his name. And so I’ve got to tell you the real story here of how it all began, I was he was on the East Coast and North Carolina area, and I was back there doing some work from our company on their research triangle area. And, and I was introduced to some mutual friends through the earlier years, I was talking about the consciousness studies and all that. And this guy sounds, this character sounds interesting, I’ll go pop over spend an hour meet the guy. And three days later, I left true story actually. And through that, he was talking about his history. And we had a lot of similar backgrounds, both, you know, from being in our early years poor, mean race and poor families and farming communities. And that mine was in Missouri, Nebraska, that area, and all the kind of school of hard knocks that we’ve kind of gone through, if you will. And what he had, he had studied very deeply, a lot, a lot of things that was similar to me, it just got a lot deeper than I had. And it was talking about the heart, not just as a metaphor, you know, and through my meditation practices, we know we were meditating with energy to the heart chakra and all this stuff. Yeah. You know, as I was very adept at that to through those practices, but it was never really taking the heart seriously, as in the way I would tend to describe it. Now. We to diverge a little bit here to really answer your question, we have the physical heart, but we also have what we now call the energetic heart. And I’m saying that’s real. And we’ll structure it’s just at the vibrational level, that thing we can’t yet put under the microscope. And that that’s the bridge of the transceiver to use my communications language, to what I hear I just call it the large or larger self that’s vibrating at a higher dimension and literally in a higher dimension. Sure, different dimension of density is the way I really think of it. But But anyway, a lot of people would call it their higher self or their spirit or their soul. Sure. Just saying, I’m here to say that’s real. And the heart is the bridge to that. And I’ll go as far as saying in my own personal experience and our research, that that’s an eye of a needle that you just can’t bypass. Right. And it is that it is really getting the the mind to finally surrender to that other level of intelligence that elevates awareness and consciousness that gets us to rise above our judgments and our biases and our kind of 3d level of consciousness. It’s a long story made really short there but
but compelling to me, because it makes me want to know more. That’s what I because when you talk when you talk about the that the heart having intelligence, and it having it at that there is an intelligence there and that we tap into it. We’ve made then that is real.
Rollin McCraty 38:54
Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, and that is what elevates consciousness is tapping into that flow of information.
So we could could we say that compassion, the when we’re searching for compassion, we’re searching for it both in ourselves and searching for it out because there is value in that search?
Rollin McCraty 39:13
Yeah, so what opens? So I think of this. This new mechanism, or this network, I was just talking about very much like radio systems. I can’t help it. I’m an ex radio guy, right? Yep. But it really is like that, that it’s a signaling system between different dimensions, if you will, I mean, that magnetic fields are all around you right now in the room, you’re in Right. Clay and Dennison, hear all the cell phone conversations? So when we get our phone out, how do we get the information we want, we tune the receiver to be resonant with the frequency of interest. And as soon as we do that, we transfer the energy information and amplify it up and we’re having our phone call. I’m just saying we work the same way between our larger self right And so that level of our own undivided wholeness is another way of saying it is in communication with the through via the energetic heart right down to the DNA level to all the cells. And I mean, how are we talking to anyway, when we go deeper and talk to ourselves inside? Yeah. It’d be good. I’m not talking about mental chatter. Now I’m talking about those deeper core understandings of who we are and what we’re here to be and who we really are. And
I love having these conversations, Roland and clay because the, the, I know that this conversation might not have made a lot of sense to me before, but because of the depth of the learning in the studies that I’m doing, I’m gonna be able to see and I’m trying to think about this conversation in 50 years that would be very prosaic that they would that the people would be really talking about this the normal part of conversation, rather than something rather than something esoteric.
Rollin McCraty 41:05
Yeah. That reminds me I hadn’t thought about this in years that your comment. Before I tell you this story, though, I don’t want to lose the point that it is those heartfelt feelings of appreciation, compassion, kindness, care, love, that opens that channel that I’m talking about. So there, you can’t get through that I have the needle with the just the mind, you know, the judgments and the biases and sorting that the mind wants to do. But the story you just reminded me of, I’m actually an official mad scientist. True story, it’s I’ve got to somewhere. I’ve got it back here a few quite a few years ago, now. Maybe 567 years ago, Wired Magazine selected I think three maybe four what they considered mad scientists. They actually did have the whole senators pics page, they did cartoons. This is the clinic right here. But here’s the point that made your comment reminded me I have to be qualified to be a mad scientist. Because we had to be doing work that was kind of considered far out and kind of wacky. But a generation or two from now it’d be considered common sense. That’s what reminded me of that.
Yeah. And that’s where I see this. And that’s where I see this going. I see that because the opportunity because when we look at something that is mad, and mad is spending less than 10% of the budget of the military that we have of destruction that could end up solving the all of the problems of poverty, that madness. It is, isn’t it? That’s a problem. You’re going to say we’re moving to sanity as opposed to being something outrageous that is that anyone looking at that would go That’s insane. Play you.
Yeah, so Okay, so we’ve been talking about the individual pretty much. And okay, so I’ve got a field around me. There’s something bigger going on, that you’re involved with. I want to hear about that.
Rollin McCraty 43:15
Okay. Alright. So I wanted to give that background that absolutely feels because, alright, so I can kind of go into this. So let me just tell you the evolution of our cliff notes version of our research, okay, so we can make your fields out here, we can take the information and see that it’s carrying information, probably about a whole lot more of emotions, but for sure about our emotional state. So what we’re feeling inside doesn’t stop at the scan. It’s we’re broadcasting it. And I think everybody knows that we can feel that from others.
We’ve seen that you’ve walked someone walks into a room and fire the entire roster changes we know that we seen everyone’s experienced Yeah,
Rollin McCraty 43:55
we’ve intuitively we know that and I’ve seen it. So the next I’ll just give you the quick notes to the next step. In our research, you’ll say okay, well, that’s neat. So what does that have measurable effects on other people? And that was an easy question to answer actually, there’s multiple studies people want the hardcore research on all this published. In other words, our physiology is exquisitely tuned to receiving and responding to the the amplitude and frequencies of other biologically generated or fields. As we’re tuned each other or so are not only we radiating, we’re also receiving and miserably affected by others. Okay. You kind of already alluded to that Dennis, so that was probably yes. Alright, so now we’ll take it bigger. So that’s the living room level, right. Then, so then we got into I’m going to skip our intuition research. That’s a whole other topic maybe we can talk about another time. But that answer clays question. We that’s what this is where we get into That’s called the Global coherence Initiative, or GCI. And so we start to, we now have a global network of really ultra sensitive magnetometers that are specifically designed to measure the resonant frequencies of the vibrations in the Earth’s magnetic field. So we have these sites, I wish we didn’t have to do this ourselves. It’s really expensive and a real pain in the rear to do. But we’ve got sites one here in California, northern Canada, Saudi Arabia, Lithuania, New Zealand. I’m probably forgetting some but so this is this global network that we’re able to literally measure the the rhythms of the Earth is what the magnetic field. So let me give a little context here, when we have a proper there’s just too far away from it to reach right now. But think of the earth right, and it got the geomagnetic field, you know, thing, our compass is tuned into sure one pole, the South Pole, we all learned about that back in probably Junior High in our era. And, you know, if you remember back to when we were in grade school, or whatever it was, you got to dump iron filings. Hope you guys got to do that right on a glass plate. Yeah, you put your magnet under it, you move it around, and it was fun to play with it. And it visualizes the shape of the magnetic field. But here’s what I want to go one more level. If you think back, those iron filings lined up in lines. Right, it wasn’t just kind of black blob. They’re all so those are also visualizing not already seeing the shape of the field, depending on whether it’s a bar or a ball or whatever. Those are letting us see what are called magnetic field lines. Okay, or flux lines if we’re using engineering terms. But anyway, the Earth, the Earth’s magnetic field is Big Donut, or toroidal shape around the planet. But it goes out into space many, many 1000s of miles is the same way. Magnetic field lines. Now, here’s what we didn’t learn at least I didn’t back then is that you can pluck magnetic field lines, and they vibrate just like a guitar string. Really? Yeah. And it’s a great analogy. I mean, any stringed instrument abolishes guitar, you change the length of the string, the tension, it changes its vibration, right? It’s frequency, same way with Earth. So they’ve got really long magnetic field lines. So they have a lower frequency. Now what’s plucking these magnetic field lines, and the fact the science term for this is called field line resonances. Okay, so what’s plucking the strings is the solar wind rushing by, which is about a million miles per hour. And meanwhile, Earth is turning and so is the sun, right? In fact, Earth is within the magnetic field of the sun. Right? So there’s all these levels of fields, we live within fields within fields. Right, so the bank, the magnetic field, lights are vibrating. And so when we measured the frequency of these vibrating field lines down here on earth through our global network of magnetometers, the in frequency language, one of the primary resonant frequencies is a frequency called 0.1. Hertz, can answer cycle every 10 seconds. And guess what? The frequency of the human coherent heart rhythm is 0.1 0.1. I’m going to pause a minute, let that soak in. Okay, so part two, think back to Science class when we were back in middle school, or whatever it was. And we got to play with tuning forks, right? Or if you didn’t develop, everybody seen the examples, you’d have two tuning forks, the same tune to the same note, you tap one the other starts to magically vibrate. It’s demonstrating what’s called resonant coupling.
Clay Boykin 48:57
Oh, okay. I had that with my guitars.
Rollin McCraty 49:00
Absolutely. You can do a clocks on a wall guitars you via you can hit one the same note the other starts to vibrate right now. Absolutely resonant coupling. All that is showing is you can transfer energy and information. When systems vibrate at the same frequency. Same back to our cell phones, all those frequencies we tune if you guys are old enough to remember back when you have to turn knobs on radios. Oh, yeah, right, you’re you’re you’re literally moving the plates within a capacitor to change the resonant frequency that wants it, you hit the right frequency boom, you’re listening to your radio station or having your phone call. So that’s just the simple basics of with where our physiology is vibrating, oscillating at the same frequency as the primary frequency of the birth. It’s not a big jump to understand how we can be transferring energy and information from us to the to the to the bigger field. My making sense here you fall Yes, yes. Oh, Are we when we’re radiating our frequencies, love compassion versus, you know, impatience, anger, frustration that we’re feeding are not only feeding our local field that is coupling to the larger field. So all of humanity is now contributing to the larger global field, the information being carried by the larger field.
Clay Boykin 50:22
And so if this large population is vibrating the same, then we’re sending some stuff out. Yeah, well,
Rollin McCraty 50:30
we’re receiving it. And we’re radiating. So that next evolution that we’re talking about in consciousness, kind of one of the scenes here that for GCI, that’s kind of a naturally emerges, please become aware of what what are you feeding the field?
Absolutely. Right. So I absolutely, so one
Rollin McCraty 50:49
of my calls to action, usually, for I get done with most presentations or talks, is, hey, pause real today and just ask yourself that what am I feeding the field is that part two of that is what we feed to feel matters.
I love that. Because if that means that everything matters, that means that I can sit I can I can make a difference. By changing, I love the word mindful, because it gives me an opportunity to look at it rather than in a binary state, I get to look at it and in along the spectrum, that I can become more mindful, moving toward the one and moving in that direction to become more coherent.
Rollin McCraty 51:36
Yeah, I mean, mindful is a great term, and I back in what would have been 80s. For me, I studied mindfulness and practice that during that era. And you know, and it’s really great, because we’re being mindful, or mindfulness is really becoming more self aware of what we’re thinking and feeling and hopefully more objective about it. And as an observer, but I would also like to suggest, if I may, that, as we evolve a little more, that mindful term will probably fade away, and it’ll become more about being more heartful.
I love that. Because that, really, that that. That brings us around to compassion. And it brings us around to be using this as a power and really to being a being able to to leverage it. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 52:27
well, exactly. So we have a lot more. I mean, you know, there’s so much 30 years of research, it’s hard to shove, cram 30 years of that into an hour here. But
Rollin McCraty 52:38
kind of what it’s really important, I think, to understand that radio knob we were talking about, we have one inside of us. And we have a lot more capacity and power to tune our own dial than we think to align with our larger self and, and really become more energetic responded, energetically responsible for what we’re feeling thinking and what we’re radiating into the field. And there’s a lot of if you don’t want to do it, because you have to care for other people will do it for yourself.
Exactly. But you know, you know, the thing that I find interesting, Roland is that you’re everything that I have studied from any of the any of the Masters in spirituality, any of the scientist says that they are talking about the same thing that you are you you’re you’re bringing this, you are applying the science and applying the science to what all the great teachers that I have, that I have ever studied, will either implying or directly saying,
Rollin McCraty 53:37
Yeah, you know, it’s interesting you say that it’s true. Absolutely. It’s also true in the scientific community. And I’ve had the honor, I’d say to meet a lot of pretty well known scientists over over my career, and we’ve had a lot of them have a visited here and kind of reminds me of a conference we had here on the question that was being discussed was it as our quantum processes involved in brain function and brain activity? So we had, you know, Roger Penrose was here, and Carl pre-boom and about 30, you know, similar names, right. And so they were here for about a week, and we had a lot of time to hang out at night, and you know, around the campfire in some cases and stuff and just talk and get to know each other. And it was so highly, David Bowman already passed away, but his main role was your contributor of his. And for example, in heaven having these kinds of discussions kind of like we’re having now he talked about a larger self that really guides and directs the physiology and all of these guys were, well, of course, it’s that way.
Rollin McCraty 54:51
It’s really true. I mean, you know, the really great minds and thinkers have absolutely no problem of discussion we’re having today. It’s kind of obvious to them You know that it’s really the, oh, I want to be kind here, but the scientists want to be is maybe, you know, you’re kind of climbing the ladder, and you’re really stuck in the dogma and religions. And to me, science has become the new religion and just as dogmatic as religion. Of course. Fortunately, I work in a nonprofit research center here, so I don’t, I don’t have to worry about tenure and don’t really, you know, have to play that game to the same same way. You know, the people who resist this kind of things, you know, they’re still stuck at that lower level, they haven’t really matured enough to their awareness to really understand that, you know, the I, to me, even from childhood, frankly, the idea that a lightning bolt hit a pond of mud, you know, millions of years ago, and we evolved into who we are now, against all the laws of thermodynamics, thermodynamics is just absolutely absurd. Yeah, I could never just never could, you know, and I know, all the models have, or not all but a lot of the models about, you know, self organization and all that. But even that falls apart with a little deeper thinking,
you know, I, this whole time, which keeps coming through my head is, you know, I work with men, I’ve got a mentor, if I got a network around the world, you know, how do we take this to action? You know, the guy that’s, you know, you don’t know about all this stuff, but he’s searching, you know, he’s got this hole and inside of them, and he’s trying to figure out, what do I do? How do I get unstuck?
Rollin McCraty 56:28
Well, that’s, that’s, I think you were one of the early adopters in a way. But that’s really why Heart Math exists. The Heart Math Institute is to provide practical research based not that that matters. But it’s a nice add on approaches, tools, techniques that we really can use to to really grow in our capacity to self regulate to have more control over our emotional diet and become more self aware and able to make Icom turnarounds. You know, I wouldn’t what I mean by that clay as a turnaround is somebody does something, you know, that frustrates us. You know, are we there goes that typical, almost automated, unconscious reaction, right? Frustration, impatience, anger, whatever that is. And the analogy I like to use, it’s like the trains leaving the station. You know, the trains pretty good at you know, it’s building up momentum. And I’ve actually had, I’m sure you’d have to the experience of that train gets too far down the track that emotional train I’m talking about. You’re sitting there watching going, Oh, shit. Oh, boy. There it goes. I see it happening. And I know the playout. And it happened. It is still it’s too far down the track. We can’t stop it and turn it around. That reminds
Clay Boykin 57:50
me. I should have pulled it up. It’s sitting away across over there on my bookshelf, is a little book called freeze frame
Rollin McCraty 57:58
is our first book your first book. Yeah, yeah. So but the whole point then when I say turnarounds is it takes a little bit of practice. But once that once that emotion starts building, and this is not about suppressing, that never works. But it’s about turning that energy around. And shifting that same energy, you know, into a neutral or with practice. It can even be appreciation, compassion, care, kindness, but and then that does nothing but benefit us, our immune system, our hormonal system, gets us into that coherent state, we’re able to think better, clearer, make better decisions. So just take some practice that, you know, most people just haven’t been taught.
Yeah. Well, hopefully some folks will listen to the podcast. And it’s getting out there. I’ve got, it’s being picked up in several places in Africa now. Wow. Congratulations. Yeah, I’m very, very happy with it. And I know your time is tight. And I want to invite you back, I’d love
Rollin McCraty 59:01
to this, I was fine. This is very different than those types of conversations.
Clay Boykin 59:05
Well, you know, I’m really trying to communicate, communicate, and, you know, probably about as many women watch, this has been. And same with my websites. You know, the stats show that sometimes there are more women on the website than there are men. You know, they’re looking for a resource for their man. And the HeartMath message is a very powerful one. And I’m really grateful that you took some time this afternoon. My pleasure, my pleasure. And please come back.
Rollin McCraty 59:38
Oh, just let me know when you don’t like to and we’ll find a time.
Clay Boykin 59:41
Great. Thank you so much, Roland.
I love that you’re giving me the opportunity to exit the conversation at a higher level than I entered it at a higher level of consciousness. Roland, thank you, thank you for for this for this opportunity to to open my mind and to really to get into To My Heart and really to to explore that to be heartful. And because I can I can I can experience that now I can explore it and work into that place. Thank you. Thank you so much time. Clay thank you for for allowing me to be along this journey in search of the new compassionate male in myself and in you and in you rollin and to be able to see the beautiful examples that we have because we’re going on from here on so thank you everybody. Thank you for listening to podcasts and there will be more coming. So stay tuned. We will see you in search of the new compassionate male next time.
Clay Boykin 1:00:46
Check out the latest episode of In Search of the new compassionate mail on your favorite podcast Station.
EP110: Don Frick – Silence & Servant Leadership (Part 2)
On the day when he first read Greenleaf’s essay The Servant as Leader in 1986, Don Frick decided to dedicate the rest of his career to understanding and teaching Greenleaf’s ideas about servant leadership. Since then, he has written books and essays about servant leadership—including Greenleaf’s biography—made presentations, conducted workshops, taught graduate seminars, and consulted with corporations on the principles of servant leadership. He is currently working on another book that offers details about how various organizations have implemented servant leadership. Before encountering Greenleaf’s work, Don engaged in multiple careers, including: managing departments at a university and museum of art; university teaching; television, radio, and film writing, production, and performance; trainer; specialist in advertising and marketing for Fortune 500 companies, plus an entrepreneur. His formal education includes a B.S. in Education, Master of Divinity, and PhD in Leadership and Organizational Studies.
“The longest journey I will ever make is the journey to the heart of the person next to me.” – Born and raised in Meru, Kenya, Dr. Ringera earned her Ph.D. in intercultural communication in 2008 from the University of Denver. She earned a Masters Degree in Media from Natal University, South Africa, as well as a Master of Theological Studies (with a peace and justice emphasis) from the Iliff School of Theology in Colorado. She received her Bachelor of Education degree and Postgraduate Diploma in Mass Communication from the University of Nairobi, Kenya. Dr. Ringera is also a lecturer at the University of Nairobi. (cont’d below)
About this podcast: I am in Search of the New Compassionate Male. I am convinced that amidst all the turmoil in the world a New Compassionate Male is emerging, and this New Compassionate Male is emerging as the New Archetype. ~ I am on a journey to every corner of the planet. I am on a journey within; a journey of self discovery to learn what it means to be a compassionate male. ~ I do not have the answer, but I know there is a spark of compassion emerging within every man and within every woman. Regardless of sexual orientation, nationality or religious tradition I invite you to join me. Let’s travel together and find answers to questions like: Who is this man? What makes him compassionate? Is he born this way, or how is compassion learned? Is there a place or time where compassion is not relevant? How many ways does the compassionate male show up in the world Together, we can find him. Together, we can hold a mirror up for one another and find the compassion within ourselves. ~ The more adversity there is in the world, the hotter the ember of compassion burns within. It may be smoldering and unrecognizable at the moment, or burning brightly lighting and warming others. ~ Who is the New Compassionate Male? Join me in our search.
Free On Amazon: Circles of Men: A Counter-Intuitive Approach to Men’s Groups Compassionate men gather differently. – “With this book, Clay Boykin has created a spiritual blueprint for men around the world. Not only does this book provide a detailed guide for starting and maintaining a men’s group, but it also contains rich insight into the struggles and challenges of being a spiritual male in today’s western culture.” – Review on Amazon
More on Dr. Ringera: Dr. Ringera is a 2016 Cordes Social Entrepreneurs Fellow; a 2015/16 Next Generation Leader Fellow of the McCain Institute for International Leadership, USA; the 2015 Life Achievement Award and 2015 Master Scholar Award winner, University of Denver, USA; and the 2012 African Achievers Award, UK – for her cutting edge work in innovative and sustainable models of development & peace building, women’s human rights and global leadership programs around the world. She has used her extensive academic background and international experience working in many countries to design and implement models of effective community engagement, women’s grassroots organizing programs, collaborative problem solving models, preemptive and post conflict reconciliation, and proactive health campaigns. She has built a successful, working model of “Amani Homes,” community homes of peace for orphans and vulnerable children in Meru, Kenya. Near the Amani home, she has also built Tirigi (“the place of abundance”), a permaculture center that trains people in the community how to develop and sustain successful food sovereignty projects. Tiriji has become a training center for peace and leadership programs. Karambu is a visionary, an activist, a compassionate, committed, formidable force for change, and an inspiration to all who meet her. “I like to think of myself as a peace, healing and reconciliation activist, involved in promoting community based organizing that empowers grassroots people, especially women and children challenged by disease, violence, and poverty. Poverty is not just about lack of money, or absence of violence and disease, rather the greatest suffering in these areas results from lack of access to information, a lack of knowledge and support to successfully utilize and develop local resources to create a better life. My desire is to stand with communities as they learn to listen deeply to the inner knowing of their hearts, identify their needs, craft their own solutions and inspire actions to meet those needs. My role is to support and trust their judgment and promote the implementation of their self-identified solutions. I invite you to stand with me to enable the work of IPI on a path that provides hope and light for all of us.” International Peace Initiatives – https://ipeacei.org
Jerry Tello has appeared in Time, Newsweek, Latina and Lowrider magazines and has received many major awards including: the Maria Shriver’s Annual Advocate for Change award; the White House Champions of Change award; the Presidential Crime Victims Service award, presented by President Bill Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno; two California Governor’s Awards and the Ambassador of Peace Award presented by Rotary international.
Jerry is considered an international expert in the areas of trauma, healing, men and boys of color, fatherhood, family strengthening, racial justice, racial healing, community peace and mobilization and culturally based violence prevention and intervention issues.
He is co-founder of the National Compadres Network. He has authored numerous articles, videos and curricula addressing the issues of Fatherhood, Male “Rites of Passage,” relationship and gang violence prevention, racial justice, teen fatherhood, pregnancy prevention, family strengthening, fatherhood literacy and community peace.
Jerry is the author of “A Fathers Love”, a series of children’s books, co-editor of Family Violence and Men of Color, a series of motivational health and healing CD’s and author of the recently released award winning book “Recovering Your Sacredness.”
Jerry is from a family of Mexican, Texan and (Koa-wilt-con) roots and raised in the south central, Compton areas of Los Angeles.
EP109: Don Frick – Zelensky & Servant Leadership (Part 1)
On the day when he first read Greenleaf’s essay The Servant as Leader in 1986, Don Frick decided to dedicate the rest of his career to understanding and teaching Greenleaf’s ideas about servant leadership. Since then, he has written books and essays about servant leadership—including Greenleaf’s biography—made presentations, conducted workshops, taught graduate seminars, and consulted with corporations on the principles of servant leadership. He is currently working on another book that offers details about how various organizations have implemented servant leadership. Before encountering Greenleaf’s work, Don engaged in multiple careers, including: managing departments at a university and museum of art; university teaching; television, radio, and film writing, production, and performance; trainer; specialist in advertising and marketing for Fortune 500 companies, plus an entrepreneur. His formal education includes a B.S. in Education, Master of Divinity, and PhD in Leadership and Organizational Studies.
Welcome to In Search of the new compassionate male. My name is Clay Boykin, I support this podcast through my coaching practice. I help people visualize and harmonize find direction and meaning or simply get unstuck. Contact me at Clay Boykin calm for a free consultation. Now here’s the latest episode of In Search of the new compassionate male. Don. Ty you doing?
Well, it’s been interesting. I had a first meeting of my implementing servant leadership class. And that was last Friday. And it’s this time I just in the first the first meeting, I’ve learned to do this. So we just want to hear how you got here. To serve in leadership, tell me this, tell us about your journey in a person was kind of like a resume. And then I read some poems. And after that, the floodgates were open. And I this struck me I never struck me before when someone is especially a lot of people, when that field takes over with a group of people, you know, you’re all participating in the same field of intention and sharing. I’m not gonna say it’s mystical. I think it’s real. I think it’s, there’s a real measurable field probably we just don’t measure yet. But when that’s happening, then everybody is growing together. And it’s a feeling that can’t be manufactured. Facts are necessary. conceptual ideas are necessary. But they are not the only things that make up the full rich expression of what it means to be human, but also what it means to be a compassionate male. Also, there’s a man who named Dr. Tarr T AR, his mother, I met him recently. His mother was announcements. And she was one of the one of the one of the twins part of one of the twins that Dr. Mengele experimented on. Oh my. So she became an advocate. Later, she moved to Terre Haute, Indiana married and became an advocate for forgiveness. So I gave him the biography of Greenleaf because it has an awful lot to do with Terre Haute. And I really appreciate it. I’m going to see him tomorrow night. The State Museum now has an exhibit about her and her message. And they’ve done a documentary on her for public television. So I’m going to see that tomorrow night too. But she stood, she stood in the gates of Alice Fitch and read a letter about forgiveness. And until that moment, she could not get over the terrible effects of what had happened. And she was short with people and she realized that she was screwing herself an uprising
that really, it’s really sobering because last Friday, I interviewed Dr. Riane Eisler and her story is that when she was six years old, in Austria, her parents it was the crystal night and you know, these people were being raided and they were being taken away. And her father was taken away. And luckily, the mother was able to do something but get the to get the Gestapo to release the Father. And they evacuated and got to Cuba and survive there until they came over to the US. You know it’s something now, the right people show up at the right time. Especially in these these podcasts. I was talking about Dr. Rian, icecool earlier and per book, nurturing our humanity is a pretty incredible read. I skimmed it. I’ve gone back to take it to heart, read the preface in the first chapter that erased to the back to get to the conclusion. And then I’m going to read the rest of the book. And what is I think, showing me is that? Well, I don’t know what it’s showing me. I don’t know if I can put it into words yet. But I know that leadership for me servant leadership is, is in the present with the people that I’m with. With the network that I connect with. And this whole other side of leadership, the leadership that she’s demonstrated, taking from childhood, the atrocities that she witnessed and persevering through, and a brilliant woman taking all these different aspects and in this macro view of things, to present another way to, for us to live. And that’s another form of leadership. So it is to share, to take the difficulties and the challenges, terrific challenges, and then turn that in to something for the greater good. And she told us early on in the, in our conversation, actually, before we started taping, she she said that she had lost her husband six weeks ago. Yeah, that both of them well up into yours. And yeah, the obituary, said that he died of COVID. They’ve been married for 45 years. And she shared that. In their first 100 days of marriage, he wrote a poem a day to her. And she’s publishing that now. But you know, that’s a generation that’s, that’s fading away. Unfortunately, I think the lessons are also fading away.
Look at us now. Yeah. I am so struck by Zelinsky in Ukraine. Here’s a guy who grew up Jewish in southern Ukraine. His father moved to Mongolia for four years. And they came back and live in Kiev. He surprised me. He was, of course a good student. He’s always interested in theater though. And he made it he got a law degree. In six years. He got a law degree and a bachelor’s degree and was licensed to practice law, but went back to theater and was highly successful there. He made his name in a feature film, which you can see in Russian on Netflix right now called servant of the people. Really? Yeah. And it was a take kind of a spoof of the current leadership of Ukraine, because he was anything but a servant of the people whose crooked he stole things. Nobody believed in. The film features Zelinski as a young man who’s still living at home. And he just for the heck of it, jumped into I pick his friends in the film put him in this presidential race. And one day in the morning, there is a knock on the door and he’d won the race and they come to take him down to his office. He was shocked. So anyway, the whole thing was so successful. I went into a series for several years when he then became genuinely interested in politics, He named his party servant of the people. So it took this spoof, and turn it into the world’s most serious name, I think. Wow. And by the way, he also had his own production company. And he was the lead producer, he produced everything on Ukrainian television, he was ultimately responsible for it. So he had also dealt with a lot of people with big budgets for over there. And he had prepared himself without knowing what he was preparing for a president, a wartime President at that. And I really strikes me because you don’t play the I mean, you’re kind of like me, you know, you’ve your Motorola for a long time. But you did a lot of other things to sense created new things. You weren’t preparing for this, when you were 17 years old. by name. You didn’t have a straight line drawn from them to hear. And yet you repair you prepared for it all along the way. Because I suspect, I’d like to hear you talk about this. I suspect you followed what lured you nuts, LVR, Id L U R, E, D, and kind of went with that. And it tended to resolve itself out in an unprepared unexpected ways.
Gosh, you’re so right. And I have to say that. And this is not unique to me. And all the the men that I’ve come in contact with and all people interviewed. It’s like, you know, it’s the hero’s journey. For the guys, you know, it’s the we grew up and we leave our heart behind, and we go do what we’re supposed to do. We go climb this ladder, and whatever form it takes. And we know how to be happy. And so many times, there’s just emptiness that guys have. They don’t know what it is, but they know that they’re supposed to climb the ladder. You know, that’s how you achieve happiness. That’s how you provide and so forth. But at some point, it all falls apart. And that’s my story. And my health got me and I fell. And it wasn’t until I came back and found out what was here what what what was this burn it is a keenness that felt empty. That I recognized that that was that was my heart speaking to me, even speaking to me all these years, and I can go back and look at pictures and photographs and things that I did, that were all about heart. But I was pushing that down and going after the career growth. And, you know, I guess that’s okay for a time to get oneself established, if needed. But but it brought me down eventually. And it was only in the 2018, I guess, maybe some leading up to that, that I really decided to follow my heart. I had had a couple of health scares. And finally the last one was this lit. Someone’s calling me to do something different. As soon as I did. The fall of 2018. Everything changed, everything was aligned. And everything took off. And it’s like, well, I don’t know where this is going. But it feels right. It was the first time in my life that I ever really listened to my feelings. This was not intellectual. This was a feelings thing. And the more I did it, the better I felt the more the energy changed around me and hearing
thank you for that. It resonates with me. i i There are a lot of medical facts I could spew out and say oh, the males have a lot of cholesterol and we all ate grease In fact, I was blocking my heart. And I did quite well with concepts and ideas. But my heart was blocked. Yeah, till it literally was 90% 99% blocked. And they had to put stents in him. After that, I’d already run across certain leadership. But after that, I said, Look, I, I gotta quit what I’m doing here, and only do what I’m told to do. Right? By my heart. It’s got to be cleaned out. The Pathways to it, have to be cleaned out. It’s the Native Americans, you know, the talking stick, and yeah, all that. The fact is that if you don’t stand up and speak from the heart, I’ve been in some men’s groups where we do this kind of exercise. People will kindly nod. But they don’t, they don’t get excited. They don’t have to go pee, because they’re so excited. Because you’re just saying stuff. That means to be human, but also what it means to be a compassionate male. Now, I suspect that Solinsky has, you could probably check off all the boxes for compassionate bail for him. But doesn’t mean he’s not out there in his army fatigues. Doing want to ask to do to pray to protect his people. I’m compassionate. I’m not gonna fight back. No, no, that’s not. That’s not what it means.
So true. Ah,
it’s a hard lesson for some people to learn is like servant leadership. A lot of people think it means being a martyr. And not attending to your own needs. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you don’t attend to your own needs, go in and go down. You’re going to be a poor leader
why so many things are running through my mind right now. Our experiences health wise are very close to one another. And yeah, heart being blocked. Call it metaphoric, or call it physical. Know, the blockage. Wow.
And it’s what’s so ironic is that I blocked my heart to handle my feelings by not facing them directly. I suspect. I say suspect because I know at some level is true. And that very blockage almost gave me a Widowmaker what they call the widow-maker. And the hard docks talk about it about killed me. Yep. So by blocking it. I just about killed myself.
Yes. i So get that. And that happened in oh seven. I ended up under the knife, you know. quintuple bypass. And later on. I ended up having to stem because of that very thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. And that’s what I asked myself. You know, I was, I was commuting to New York at the time back and forth in my offices on parking 32nd Street. And I’d sit my office and I look up at the Empire State Building, you know, never been up there. And when I went back after, like, Come bless for my bypass surgery. I thought I’ve never been up there. So I went up. This was a fall of December 22,020 17. No, this was the fall of 2007. I went up there. And I said, you know, metaphorically, I’ve made it to the top. I’m at the top of the Empire State Building. You know, it’s almost killed me. And of course, you know, what came next? Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? You know, I looked at my little office window down there. And I thought what’s is all about. And that’s when the market crashed. And I was let go and wasn’t for two years. For I got my next job. And it was, it was for $9 An hour part time at OfficeMax. You know, so I went from the top, basically the bottom and started over again. And that’s where it was that evolution that really woke me up.
I’ve wondered, well, I had, oh, probably 10 or 12 careers. I don’t mean jobs, I mean careers. But in several of them, I was in the public, I posted a television show for the museum apart and did the radio series. But I had to start wondering what part hubris was playing. In that because there’s this thing out there, that persona that you can build, you know, just do it in media. I found a lot of wounded people in radio and television, who probably like me, had a hard time uniting their vocation in their application. And who they were and who they wanted to be seen as to another deadly thing, but there’s a kind of hubris there. And boy, just hate to have to admit stuff like that. I’m gonna go, I’ll drive around the block or something before I really get into that. It’s called the shadows. Yeah. And I think that’s where a lot of courage comes in for people. Yeah. Between able to turn and face them.
Yeah. What was it that that you really got rolling? With servant leadership. I mean, you. You’re the official biographer, for the late Robert Greenleaf. And you told in a previous podcast, kind of all the evolution of that. But there was a point when all those careers, which you really took off and dedicated yourself to the advancement of servant leadership. Can you talk about that? So?
Yes, I got green leaves. Original essay, the servant as leader, when they in 1986. And it came in a padded envelopes from my mentor who lived in Dallas and McGee Cooper. So I opened it up, eventually, through blade around a couple of days, and read it and was riveted. And decided after I closed the last page, that I would devote the rest of my career to trying to understand and share these ideas. And that was it. Now, that was not my style, necessarily, to say, oh, okay, I see this, I’ll just change my life. It wasn’t unprecedented. One night in graduate school. I worked late at a radio station came back and there was one light on in the dorm. And the guy was an entry. I was in seminary, first year of seminary, and there was a guy there who I like, he was kind of a draft dodger, I think he was waiting till he turned 26. But he just said, you really need to go to England or Scotland. Next year, for your second year of seminary. I said, why? And he said, Well, I went to England, blah, blah, blah. So I walked out and called my sister and said, I’m going to Scotland next year. Boom, just like that. It sounds foolish. It sounds foolish to change my career, just like that. But I was saying, Yes, I didn’t initiate the request. The request came from somewhere else. And there was a solid rightness about it. You know what, thank God I did. Thank God that I take no responsibility for creating that. Except that I had the doors of perceptions open perception open long enough for it to sneak in and make itself No. And that’s for a lot.
I’m sorry. Yeah. Why Scotland?
I’m one quarter Scottish. Aha. I always wanted to go there. And I wanted to learn a little bit more about my grandmother. And where she came from near Glasgow, but also Scotland. In theology. It’s a pretty big deal place. The University of Scotland had some high end theologians through the years. And I wanted to test myself there too. So I bought a motorcycle and ran around Europe after that, and you know, that all that kind of stuff? I’m glad I did. But how often? Have I been open to all? I’ve asked myself that since that was an awful, a W E, a full moment when this thing crashed into my consciousness. And I wonder if there had been time since that. insights of similar import. Haven’t tried to get in there. And I was too busy.
Oh, that’s a real. That’s really something to reflect on. How many times it just right below the surface? Yep. And there’s just enough resistance? No, I can’t do that. Just enough resistance to keep it is just an inch or two below the waterline? And yeah, really, it really is. It really gives me pause, as you’re saying that because that time when I said yes, when I quit my work, you know, I’d had another heart scare, I was okay. I came home. When I said to Laurie, I said, you know, I was in Jamaica in 2007 in the woods, knowing I was going to have a heart attack. And just finding peace. It’s hard to describe, but I knew I was leaning against the veil. I knew I was going to die. And I wasn’t going to go to the hospital air. But I felt got so at peace with all that. How that happened? I don’t know. And when I got back, sure enough. I went in. But I said to her after this latest heart scare in 2018, I said, you know, I was in the woods in Jamaica, doing what was in my heart to do do my little crafts and so forth. And knowing I was going to die. So I would do it was my heart there. And who’s to say, today is not my last day? And am I doing what’s on my heart right now. That’s right. If not now, when am I going to do it? And that’s what sparked me to believe and start this path.
I think if something odd and irresistible comes to us because it’s on the fringes of not of consensual reality. I mean, it’s a kind of non consensual reality. I think that is a high alert that we should pay attention. And I’m almost glad here the I am glad I’m 75 years old. I don’t have the same passions of making it I making it now is to try to make a difference for other people as much as I can. knowing now that that’s not all out to me. That it is it’s it’s in communion with other people who care I’m supposed to be working with in certain ways, and I’m doing that. So it is mysterious, but it’s real. That’s it something can be mysterious. And still it will be real as dirt it’s holding those two things in our mind simultaneously. That Einstein called genius that we are but it’s very difficult to do especially in this culture.
Yeah. Yeah. So binary. Check out the latest episode of In Search of the new compassionate male on your favorite podcast Station.
She is the author of two books, “The Angels and Me – Experiences of Receiving and Sharing Divine Communication,” and “Spirit Awakening – Wisdom for Life and Living.”
As an Intuitive, Elaine helps others to look beyond the wounds they use to define themselves, so that new and perhaps greater understanding can become known. Through this, we can begin to Heal our World – And Ourselves.
Philip Kpakiwa’s harrowing story of his escape from the civil war in Sierra Leone is both powerful and heartwarming. His passion for helping young children in Guinea exemplifies a truly compassionate man.
Philip is an expert in peace-building and conflict resolution, with over five years’ experience with MasterPeace. Since 2011 he has been the country coordinator of MasterPeace Guinea, working on peacebuilding, mediation, peace education, and actively training young people in creativity and leadership skills. He is a man with a deep passion for vulnerable children. He has served as the representative director of Care for Children Guinea, providing a decent life for vulnerable children and developing their talents. Founder of Conquerors for Christ Ministry Guinea, Philip holds a
diploma in Theology from the New Family Bible Training Center, a diploma in Peace and Conflict Management from IBMG University, and certificates in Communication, Leadership, Project Management, Fundraising, and Conflict Intervention from Cairo and the Netherlands. After completing the Fellowship, Philip plans to continue his work in peacebuilding, leadership, and empowering young people with creativity, social reconciliation programs, and school peace.
Connie Baxter Marlow & Andrew Cameron Bailey are original thinkers, writers, photographers, filmmakers, futurists, climate “solutionaries” and inspirational public speakers. Their explorations into the essence of Reality have led to a unique articulation of the conscious, loving, abundant nature of the Universe. In their book The Trust Frequency:Ten Assumptions for a New Paradigm.Connie and Andrew present a system of cosmological axioms, informed by indigenous cosmology, quantum science and Eastern and Western mysticism, which resolve key paradoxes that have kept humanity from walking in balance with Universal Law and with an open heart. They offer straightforward, practical tools for accessing The Trust Frequency, an alternative reality where the soul’s destiny awaits, the laws are expanded, and there is more balance, beauty, joy and abundance than we can fathom.
They have presented their work at IONS, SAND, COSM, ISSSEEM, Unity Village Chapel, New Dimensions Radio, Eagle Quetzal Condor Global Convergence, Consciousness of Immortality Conference, The Thoreau Society, Parliament of the World’s Religions, World Unity Week 2020/2021 and numerous other venues.
Welcome to In Search of the new compassionate male. My name is Clay Boykin, I support this podcast through my coaching practice. I help people visualize and harmonize find direction and meaning or simply get unstuck. Contact me at Clay Boykin calm for a free consultation. Now here’s the latest episode of In Search of the new compassionate male.
Dennis Tardan 00:31
Hello world it’s me Dennis and here we are again on the search out the new compassionate male. I’m the co host of this particular podcast I’m here with the founder and host clay Boykin Hello clay.
Hi Dennis, we have Connie Baxter Marlow and Andrew Cameron Bailey for round two. Now, last episode 106. We talked about trust frequency to trust me. And today, one thing I learned was that Andrew has done quite a bit of work, men’s work in years past. And then there’s quite a bit of work that Connie has done related to men’s work specifically. And since we’re here, raising compassion consciousness for men. I’m really excited about our conversation. So I want to start off and let’s get to it, Andrew. Yeah, once upon a time you started doing men’s work, take it back as far as you want, I’d love to hear about it.
Let’s go back to Oh, the 1990. I actually just started doing my personal men’s work by joining the women’s movement in 1973. I think it was in Manhattan, really. And I didn’t know that I didn’t know there was going to be relevant. I was one of the few males admitted into sort of fairly inner circles in in the downtown Manhattan radical feminist movement, because my girlfriend was a leader in that field. So as the decades went on, so that really taught me a lot taught me a lot about dealing with a woman which is different from the subject of the compassionate male, but I think it’s relevant. Very well, when the men’s movement his John Lee is melodrama. So may His Robert Bly. Here are these extraordinary men coming out with these books and then leading these workshops. And I was busy raising five kids at the time throughout the 80s. And I was really in the midst in the year 1990. And there was a call I was living in the Hamptons, in quad or East quad in the Hamptons, which is close to Southampton. And there was a call for a meeting in Sag Harbor. Now I don’t know if you know these towns that talk Sag Harbor Absolutely. This little towns in the world, really an American particular. And there was a meeting and I sit down, I’m gonna I’m gonna go check this out. This is this is interesting, not men, the men are coming up the men are emerging. Let’s see what we can do here. So I attended this meeting. And are you aware of the Sterling group?
Thank God for that. Because this meeting was called by a group of men who call themselves the Sterling group. And there’s a person named Sterling. I never heard of these people either. watches this meeting, about 40 men showed up and I knew most of them. I was part of this community out there, right? I was in the construction business. I was in that consciousness realm. I was in creative arts, I had a band and stuff like that. So I knew I knew at least half if not two thirds of these men. And it was a hard sell. There was I called them five mustaches. There were a row of these five mustaches on this page. They all they look like they came out of a queen musically. And they sell sell, sell, sell, sell. So this is my this is my introduction to the men’s movement. So very weird way. And finally, it’s like, okay, who’s signing up for the weekend? $500 the weekend? And well, this
Dennis Tardan 04:28
is $500. When?
Dennis Tardan 04:29
$500 in 1994 is a is a is about $2,500 today.
So purchasing power is a guy raising five kids working really hard. didn’t have that kind of money, but also I’m very resistant to hard sell. So the question there’s a silence in the room and one guy puts up the sound. He said I’m going really good friend of mine. Actually the lead guitarist in my band, puts his hand up and said, I’m going, and then it’s like, never really tried to get. I’m realizing I’m at a sales pitch. So, okay, nobody answered. So I put my hand up and I said, you know, I’m sorry, but I won’t be going, a I don’t have the money fee. This is not quite the angle I’m interested in. But as there are 40, or 50 men in this room, I’d like you guys around here to know that if you’re interested in forming a men’s group, I’m up for that. And one of their mustaches said, I don’t like what you’re doing. Since Okay, I’m leaving. I’m out of here in a second I wanting to say. And I’ve said, you know, my number. Give me a call. If this is interesting to you, I’d like to form start something that doesn’t cost money is not part of a movement. It’s simply a group of men getting together to see where it takes us. And the guys yelling at me. And I said, okay, good night, thank you. And I left and I drove my 40 miles home, and got home, and my phone started ringing and didn’t stop ringing. So that’s how it started. So we had an X meeting with about six or seven men. So this is a this question of our man’s movement, a men’s meeting a men’s group? What the hell does that mean? What could it mean? It could mean a whole lot of different things. So we had a meeting with about six or seven men who called me and we within a week or 10 days, we sitting together in a room and going like, Okay, this is interesting. Let’s get some parameters here. Question number one, how many men and we tossed around we agreed upon 10. Let’s have a group of 10 should be handleable was 10. Too much smaller, it won’t be that relevant, too much bigger, kind of hard to handle. That 10 Min. Those 10 slots were filled within another three or four days of that meeting. For sorry, that my phone didn’t stop ringing. And I’m like, sorry, we’re full. What do you mean, you fall? Sorry. So guess what this poor guy ends up having to do? Start another one. So on every Monday night, we had a men’s meeting of the one group and the other group, because another 10 men immediately came into focus. And I was sort of the commonplace because it was my phone. It was so so and then the question is, okay, now what are we going to do with these meetings, and we came up with, okay, we’re going to have to hours, we’re going to have there for a very short amount of time each, someone’s going to have to be a timekeeper. Let’s get really disciplined and careful with us. And let’s have some real rules. No chitchat, Make it serious. No. Crosstalk talking stick while you’re on your own? And what are we gonna talk about? Whatever’s uppermost in your mind? Okay, so that I like that. It could be the fight, I just have as my wife, or it could be a painting that I’m struggling with, or it could be trouble at work. Or it could be, damn, I saw this girl on the street, you know, wow, whatever it turned out to be right. So we did that all of the 1990s.
When I let me ask you something. Why did they not go to that first group that was courting you to join for 500 bucks for the weekend? Why did they not do that? And why what attracted him to what you are offering?
You know, we never even discussed that. Really, the only man I know who joined that group is my son. That group meaning the first group, we’re just starting group, my son, decades later, my son at that time was probably seven years old. Eight years old. He later was trying to get me to join this exciting thing he had discovered and I said, Tell me about it. I said, it’s not called Sterling. And he said, Yes, it is. I’m like, okay, so it’s a big success. It’s a big deal. It’s millions of dollars. And it’s very pushy. And if we three men, were doing this together, we’d be getting really much with each other. We’d be pushing it shoving each other physically around, just show how masculine and male we are. That’s not what we did.
Let me ask you this. Because this is what I’ve run into. That there’s a whole number of men’s groups out there. And for, for guys to be in a men’s group. First of all, I think it’s great. They’re different levels of their consciousness. So different forms of men’s group work for different guys. So but what I have learned is that some of those men’s groups are trying to break into the guy to get him into his heart. But there’s a whole population of men out there who already in their heart and they need to learn how to connect with another man, I need a safe place to go. Go to. And I’m just curious was that? Does that kind of relate to your experience on what you were doing?
Um, yes. Without getting too specific. Okay.
Let me ask you a clear, quick question. Do you ever go to the Mentone? Meeting?
The mankind project? No, the Mentone in Alabama? No.
Okay. I don’t know if it’s still going. It was an annual meeting of the I only went once. It was Robert Bly. Okay. My team, tell me him. John Lee, it was spectacular about 130 men, and it was great. So somehow, the group of men who came together to that meeting was sort of compatible with what we were working on. I have to say, that was not the most satisfying man’s experience I’ve ever had. In fact, within a few years, I was just thinking like, oh, man, you know, I don’t want to listen to these guys talking about how many times they screwed their wife last night, or how many times they’ve had an affair, how many times they’ve been unfaithful this year? I don’t care about how many times they dropped off. I really don’t care. And that kind of stuff was discussed, to move to, you know, no, thank you. And secondly, I really wanted it to be spiritual and challenging. And the best thing we did together was go on trips, go on camping trips, and we’d go camping, I had some land in upstate New York and Woodstock. And we go camp on my land, for example, did a bunch of different things, and would sit there. And one of the interesting things I had, by that time, two of the men in the group were really good musicians. And we ended up forming a band, we had this band all through the 1990s, as well as this men’s group. And so they were sort of integrated. We’re on the land, and I said something and I can’t remember what it was. But one of the men, communism, in my band, jumped up across this clearing and came at me almost got physical. I see got completely outrageously pissed off physical with me. For no known I honestly, I don’t know, I offended these guys. So there are a couple of them there. That bisexual ones, strangely enough, I somehow managed to offend them, but not because of anything to do with sexuality. It was more to do with the things in my life that have been exciting. And I that I want to talk about, sometimes have to do with people whose name you would know. And it was assumed that I was making the shit out that I was lying that I was puffing myself up. And sorry, these are actually people I’ve worked with, and they’re my friends. You know, so it was not that good. And eventually what happened, there was a, there was a coup within this group, about seven or eight or nine years in, and one of the members of my band broke up the band and the men’s group in the same evening. Kicked out, they kicked out four of us. The guy who poured from, you know, Ford for the sweats. This muscular, tattooed, amazing, the man of our men, greatest poets, like the poet laureate of New York, kicked him out. Another guy who is a very significant therapist. I mean, the four of us, they said, We’re terminating the group, goodbye. And then a week later, it turned out that the other five went to dropped out. So there were another five, those five had some waiting guys. And they reformed the group and without a hiccup. They went, and my phone started ringing again. And it was like, wait a minute, this was supposed to be for life. The poet said, this was meant to be our insurance policy for the rest of our lives was meant to be our support system. So we have this group of men we could totally trust for life. Noblesville, and what’s going on? I said, Can you come over to my place? I’ve got my little pedal. We’re recording studio. Let’s sit there. So the four of us sat down and we said guess what, guys, we other rejects. We’re out. And I’m personally really relieved. Really glad. Okay, so about that wasn’t just in other words, it wasn’t personal wasn’t right. Yeah, it was something about the dynamic nature of the group. So yeah.
What I’m going to guess here you wanted to go deeper, spiritually or metaphysically. and they were afraid to go that deep to really go into their heart. Is that what was going on?
I think they would. In other words, they were serving a group now to beat me for just got kicked out. A group would totally disagree with you. They there was sort of a status thing or something like that, or whatever it was, I probably by 95 or so 96. I was going like, Okay, I’ve just to myself, I never really brought it, I don’t think I am, I did my woman’s work back in the 70s. I did my men’s work in the 90s. Now, I want to do the men’s and women’s work, I would like to see a group, let’s have 12 people, six women, six men, knock couples. And to really, really get deep, never did it haven’t done it yet, not saying it won’t happen. And I’ll say one more thing about the second group, which was a lot more peaceful and less contentious. And I’m actually closer to more people in that second group than I am in the first group. That group also continues to this day. And when I met Connie, I said to the men, I said, you know, knew about my divorce and all that stuff. And I said, would you even consider having me bring this woman to one of our meetings, I think she has something to say to us. And I invited Connie to the meeting. It’s the only time we did it. But man, that was the most wonderful men’s group I meant meeting I’ve ever had, where we had cry when talking about that.
Well, do you guys have any thoughts you want to talk to Andrewabout not?
Well, we want to talk with you about because you’re here with three men who are really working to both to get to their hearts and to expand compassion. And so you can give us some perspective and give us some, some some of your thoughts please call me.
Well, I’d be happy to. Because I’ve been waiting for decades for this very moment.
Thank you for inviting me on you’re seeking the compassionate new male, because I have an incredible resonance for the tender male heart. And I would say that perhaps I’m more balanced to my masculine, Anders more balanced to his feminine. He’s way more intuitive than I may more in touch with his body. So this whole dichotomy of what meat suit wearing just just makes no sense to me what’s going on right now that the women are going to lead us the men have all screwed it all up and the women get out of the way, then. I mean, that’s a travesty.
It’s a pendulum swing.
It’s a travesty. And we’re, you know, we’re not doing pendulums anymore. We’re at the fulcrum. Now we’re going up into unit of consciousness into the open heart, how are we going to open the heart of the male, when we’re telling him to get out of the way that he’s just messed everything up? It makes no sense. Look at the men who’ve done incredible and continue to do incredible work in the Open Heart arena of compassion and kindness. And I mean, they’re leaders. I’m sorry.
Dennis Tardan 18:44
But that is Connie. That’s the that’s the difference between binary thinking and being able to to hold two thoughts at the same time, we can all we can see the the extraordinary gifts that men have brought to the table, and it’s same time to also see the limitations, we can bring them both to the table, we don’t have to reject one in order to reject the other. We don’t have to reject the men in order to accept the women. This is an all in.
Exactly, exactly. And I feel that we’ve been responding to a lower frequency on the planet. Everyone has the women as well as the men. So we’ve all been doing nasty stuff to each other. We’ve it’s, as my son said, it’s been a mutual wounding, because I feel the male heart is so tender, that it’s been wounded by our childbearing practices, and by the women in its life. Okay, in their lives. Okay, so that’s my thesis is that we just don’t know the true male. We have the armored heart of the male that steps out. After a couple of years by two or three. He’s learned that he’s not supposed to cry. He’s not supposed to play with dolls is not supposed to play house. You know, he’s he’s supposed to play with trucks and, and guns and all that, you know, it’s it’s crazy for me and so when I had a boy I had my third child was boy, I was thrilled to be having a boy and I did everything in my effort in my realm to raise a compassionate male, a true male. And so when he said at age seven mom my feelings tell me I don’t belong in school. I because of the trust frequency, absolute walking in the trust frequency for me, I didn’t have the word risk in my vocabulary. You can’t when you have your son’s life in your hands, and I said, Okay, honey, Obi Wan Kenobi says trust your feelings, Luke. I guess you don’t have to go to school anymore.
And he was how old? Oh my gosh, yes.
You are with the mother of a first grade dropout. Right here in Wichita, you hear about this first grade dropout. What he’s doing right now at this moment? Oh,
Yeah. But let me say that see, I had been spending time with visionary native elders. So for for many years, and I saw through them that we each came with a gift. And that it’s a loving universe. This is what our trust frequency book is all about to give people the tools to be able to walk in absolute trust. I knew that the universe was going to chase Johnny Marlowe around with a silver platter, with every experience he needed to become the gift he promised to bring to the world. So I didn’t have the word word risk in my vocabulary. I couldn’t with my son’s life in my hands. But I set him free. I didn’t pull him out of school because of my beliefs. I didn’t didn’t interfere with my children’s Destiny pas in any way. We we swooped indicted and did extraordinary stuff, but I followed their lead. I didn’t lead them because their soul knows what their souls destiny is. People will say How can you let a little boy like that make that kind of decision. I said, I don’t live in there. It’s not my destiny path. It’s his. And so I set him free. And my husband just I was kind of the leader in the child rearing scene, and he didn’t understand me anyway, from the time I had my spiritual awakening. And so we I set Johnny free, I let him go. And he didn’t resonate to learning to read, he didn’t resonate to any of the academic stuff. So I just let him go. And I know that we have an x ability to access information much faster than reading. Okay, so I didn’t care if you learn how to read or not. And his father had been turned off to learning to read by his father, who had demanded that he learned to read, we are so neurotic about teaching our kids how to read. And if we understand the human spirit, that we actually have to do the opposite of what we’re told to do. Or at least, that’s my spirit. If anybody tried to tell me what to do, I make sure I do the opposite. So I set him free. And ultimately, because it’s a loving universe, man showed up on our doorstep to teach Johnny how to read. So I said, Okay, universe. So he came and he was Johnny’s tutor, Johnny’s a voracious reader and amazing writer. And, and as Andrew pointed out, he’s now a flourishing photographer. In Los Angeles. He’s 36 years old.
And I’ve known him since he was 17. Man, and he’s, he’s my hero. He really has found out differently than his peers. His college buddies are in depression or drug addiction, and God knows what and he is not very interesting. What’s the difference? There’s a difference somehow
there’s a difference because we have an educational system that does not honor the human heart and the human spirit. So I went to bat for the human heart and human spirit in Aspen, Colorado to change the educational system and bring the heart and bring native american thinking into our ponderings about, okay, how are we going to what sort of educational system are we going to have? That’s going to take the human race to our actualizing our true potential as loving beings in balance with all of creation? So that’s been my experience since the exact same time that Andrew speaking of this was 1994 My son his son, My son of the same age. And so Johnny was seven. What happened though? It was January of his first grade year, when the teacher called everybody together all the kids together. And she said, Well, this is Johnny Marlowe’s last day in school. And a little girl raised her hand. And she said, But Johnny, how are you gonna get a job?
first grade little girl, no less. She knew what she was in school for, didn’t tell the teacher what the teacher wants to hear, or you’re not going to survive. This is called survival. You know, get a job to support your family survive, get have food on the table at seven years old, this little girl, no less. So this is the arena of the trust frequency, to teach us to give us tools for walking and trust going into a higher frequency where the laws are expanded, it’s a completely different ballgame. Because I will tell you, what happened for Johnny’s life was magical. The people who showed up in Johnny’s life, Johnny becoming he was just flown out to New York with a with a team of 30 people to do this shoot in New York City from Los Angeles. He’s just turned 36, like last week. And so he’s flourishing. He just bought his own home with his earnings as a photographer, oh, help from parents or anybody and has had the, he got the girl in Aspen, and stuff like that. And so when Johnny decided that he wanted to go to school, we swapped indicted the system, actually, somebody from an alternative school said, well, Johnny, anytime you want to come, come by the school, just feel free because his sister had transferred to that school. So Johnny had the freedom to go and be a part of a system without being a part of it. Right. And so he had, he was able to be socialized and stuff like that. And so when he decided he wanted to go to school, when the student is ready, the teacher will come. That’s absolute, it’s a loving universe. Okay. That’s what the trust frequency book is all about. Johnny is the trust frequency poster child, because he said, I want to go to school. So a companion tutor showed up for him, and came and brought him up to speed academically, so he could go to school. And this, this guy was from outside of the paradigm as well. So I just want to say that when you tell the universe, what it’s up for you, the universe must comply. It loves you. Okay, but you’ve got to do it with bold, committed action. And that’s where this trust frequency set of assumptions about the nature of the universe helps us understand how loved we are, that it gives us everything we asked for, what are our requests, where we put our attention, what our assumptions are our seven A’s of, of our consciousness. So in the end, mainly, that’s bold, committed action.
Dennis Tardan 28:22
It is. I find that when I’m getting, getting to that trust place, to be able to trust to be able to step out that to be able to step out and trust. The are there little steps to doing that? Or is it just all or nothing? That’s a great question.
Oh, guess what, Dennis? Oh, I mean, yeah,
you can’t do it in a half assed way I think gives the answer, right.
Yeah, doubt. You can’t do it because it’s by its frequency. Its vibration, is physics. There’s no judgment. It’s not.
Dennis Tardan 29:07
All I’m saying is this is that if I am tuning in, to a frequency on, let’s say, an FM radio dial, remember those old dials where you earn it, and you would start to get and you and you begin to get some of the signal, and you get some of the signal. And then you get clearer and clearer on that.
So it is a it is a practice. It’s, I’d say it’s the rare human who’s able to just grok this gray, get it in one microsecond and say, Oops, that was then this is now now I’m enlightened down here, right in the state of total trust. I doubt that. That happens very often. But it’s about testing, testing these assumptions. For example, if you take those 10 assumptions that we proposed that week You just try it on, that you have to try it on really have to be brave enough to it’s like trying on a singleton brave enough to you know, go to go to work and wearing that suit or going to the opera or whatever it is. You have to try it on 100% It’s almost like, I think there’s a relationship to let’s say you decide to become a Buddhist. You went to a new sort of Buddhist teacher and just some of your friends really got into it and you went, You can’t do that in a half assed way. You really have to take that plunge to if you’re constantly hedging your bets. My son, my rockstar, son, when he was about 12. He said, Dad, I’m going to be a rock star. I’m going to be a musician. I said, you assurance and yeah, said good do that. He said, What about college said if you feel it, do it, but if you don’t, that’s okay. You could have a plan B. But if you have a plan B if you have a fallback position, you’ll probably fall back. So that kid right now, last I heard of was in Miami recording with a whalers about Molly’s whalers. He made that commitment. He now he, he’s trapped. That’s a term we used to use in South Africa. He thrashed school, he took the price when he graduated from high school in languages, mostly in French and Spanish. He was like the languages guy. And then he went to offensives he didn’t go to college. Now his older sister did go to college. So that was her path. She did that she’s a big deal. Lawyer right now. That was her path. She did that. And all it Yeah, I have five kids. And they’re each radically different each from the other. Now we’re all raised for the same basic principles. And I thought, Connie story of raising her kids in this really alternative way. I really thought that was what I was going to do. When I came to this country. It was at the time it was in the 60s that student rebellions. Kids were not happy with what colleges and schools were doing to them. And they were rebelling, and I was very interested in that field. I don’t know if you’ve heard of Summerhill. It was an experimental school in England. It was the time of those experimental schools. How can we completely can the Waldorf system, all these different ways of alternative ways of teaching our kids? I thought, I’m absolutely going to raise my kids, I’m gonna have a whole bunch of kids and I’m going to raise them in it’s completely alternative manner. I was wrong. Because when it came to do it, we were living in the Hamptons, there were alternative schools that were really expensive. There was no way we could do five kids. And the kids were thriving in the system. Yeah, his kids again, right. They really thrived within the system and then emerge, and we were hippies, and not even Americans. So the kids got a lot of flack at the beginning. By the beginning of high school, those kids were each being challenged by their schoolmates, and put down and your parents are just stupid hippies and organic vegetarians. What the hell’s that? etc. And by halfway alone, things began to change. And by the end of school, everybody else wanted to be like them. They honestly were like the leaders, each of them in their own way. Who were the were leaders. Now in my music musician, son shows up those kids from school artists biggest fans, in front of their stage.
Yeah, and it’s interesting because I wasn’t a hippie. Okay. I was private school, New England, old family, Mayflower descendant life, my ancestors started colleges, Bowdoin College, etc. And, yeah, but I had I, I say, I was sitting on top of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, right? You know, the triangle. You’re on top. And I have a responsibility. And that’s one thing these schools, New England’s women’s schools teach you is, of course, with privilege responsibility. Okay, I was sitting up here waving, hey, how do you do, I had the power to let my son drop out of school freedom, the freedom to do that, even though my parents disagreed and my sister was gonna report me to social services, whatever it was, I didn’t care, because I came with a job to do that is raised humans that are going to contribute to society. Well, number one, number two is shift the consciousness of humanity. I mean, we’re big picture thinkers, right. So we’ve got a big job to do. And so I could listen to my children’s hearts, listen to their spirits and follow those impulses for them open the doors. That was my job to open the door for their destiny path. So one daughter, instead of going to college, went off to China was smuggled into Tibet, and etc, she ultimately put herself through college and she’s now in Amsterdam. Now, yeah, for a fortune 500 company that she because she got a, an MBA and all that. And my other daughter, she had her destiny path as a writer and as a this horseback rider, and she’s now supporting our family in Aspen, Colorado, with my granddaughter, and her husband, but each one has their own destiny path, we can’t be channeling them into this educational system that says, you know, if you get this on this test, you’re okay. And if you don’t on that test, you’re not and you know, your trajectory, etc, you have to have the courage and the trust, to walk in freedom, because we can do that individually. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the culture is doing. If your vibration is up, you can you do anything. Because the rules that apply to you like Henry David Thoreau said, the laws that apply to you will be expanded, or new laws will be made in your favor, and you will live with the license of a higher order of beings. That’s in his conclusion to Walden, I quoted that last time. But that’s when you walk confidently in the direction of your dreams. So it’s just up to us to give people the courage to go there. And, and as Andrew said, it is a process. For me, it’s like, absolute. So I’m not really one to speak, because I it hasn’t been a process for me fear was never one of my things. And, you know, I just came in for a different ride. And, but it is a process, like Andrew says,
what I’m hearing is that each of you have created an environment for a young person to, to develop, I call it, let’s call it solar energy and their lunar energy. You know, traditionally the solar, you know, leads, you know, that’s the, traditionally the male energy and the, the lunar, the, the, the woman the female energy, but we have all have both, and what what I’m getting from this conversation is that you allowed whatever that was, wherever they were to find, find its own space, its own space to not be forced your your guys so you got to follow this path, you’re a woman, you got to go this way. But to find themselves along here, and I know y’all gave guidance along the way, but you were kind of tapping this side tab on the side, and letting them find and develop their heart as well as their head and then integrating in finding their own equilibrium within that integration. If I could turn the clock back boy,
Dennis Tardan 38:09
I understand that. But one, one of the things that that I miss that I feel like I missed when I was growing up, was that I, I went very much I looked up at in in the 50s I looked up at adults as a child and when they really don’t know what they’re doing, they really don’t know what’s going on. So I’m going to take this myself, I’m not going to really listen to what they said I’m just going to end and the only the end the challenge with that is that I never learned as a child what value there could be in hard work, how what value there could be in delayed gratification, I didn’t get that I didn’t get the chance you know really defeat to you know, like fight when you do that that beautiful mandola behind you to be able to have that sense of being able to do a piece and work on it and build it if I didn’t get that that instantaneous gratification so therefore it took me a while before I got until I was in my 30s that I began to see that experience of being able to now was felt that if I could have had someone that could have sat with me and helped and modeled for me and helped me to go to what the value of that delayed gratification so that’s the learning that I’m getting that I’m getting now that I did not get as a child that I just went I just dismissed dismissed
Guess what? It’s your souls journey. Everything has been perfect. I agree. I souls journey I know what if and if only. Okay, here I am world and I’ve got this work to do and get that work done because the earth is moving into to a higher frequency, we got to get that shadow work done that less than that. Okay? And if only and what if, etc.
Dennis Tardan 40:10
I don’t go I don’t go there, Connie. I really don’t. I am so appreciative of everything that got me here today.
Yeah. Sweet, sweet, that’s important.
So Dennis, you’re, you’re bringing up for me the idea of the mentor of the wise elder in the village, you know, where a young woman or a young man has an elder to go and, and just sit with and learn from, maybe I’m gonna trade or learn a technique or talk about spiritual matters or talk about leadership or talk about marriage or childbirth, whatever the subject might be. Right. And it’s something that I think I think we lack that we’ve lost as sort of white Westerners in particular, I think the Native Americans have more of that still, to this day, despite everything that they have struggled through, they’ve kept certain things, Connie, and I believe she’d agreed we we get a lot of inspiration from our indigenous friends. There’s something there in the non white non western world that has real value that we tend to do we, the white Westerners, and to denigrate that to like, you don’t have a religion, you’re not, you know, you’re not very bright, you’re primitive, and all of those things. And I’m so delighted that we now live in a time when we are have woken up, I think it started back in the 60s, and maybe started earlier. But in the 60s, where we suddenly started paying attention to the Native Americans in this country, for example, going and sitting at a peyote ceremony in a teepee, those kinds of extraordinary experiences that are missing. So if my kids, I know one complaint my kids had about me, or at least my middle boy. And that said, I didn’t give him enough and holding support. I trusted him too much. I gave them a very clear, they had a strong one who was great. And what I gave them was the instruction that you are free. However, with freedom comes self discipline. Think about that, to my boys. Think about that. You are responsible for your for the results of your actions. So if you go get go down a path, and my youngest boy nearly did. He actually is one of his best friends just died just a month ago, over here on heroin overdose. I mean, there was heroin in that Hamptons community. And in those getting into drugs, kids were getting into breaking into places to get money to buy drugs, and with those kinds of things going on. And of all my kids, only my one son went to the edge of that. And we saw that we had an idea. And when your local cop, a policeman, and we called him and we said, look, I think our son’s maybe getting to hang out with the wrong people. And long story short, a week later, son comes home from school walks into the living room, there’s a uniformed officer there. And we just introduced him and left. That did the job.
Interesting. I want to ask a question. Because you’re touching around a subject that that keeps coming up in my mind. And first of all, I I think that we’ve got a population, the Western civilization, that we have a population of a lot of adult children. They’ve they’ve not gone through the ritual change from childhood to adulthood. I would say it’s initiation. Now, initiation is a loaded term, because it brings up a lot of misplaced activity that just gotten a bad rap. And so initiation when I ask people about it, or initiation or rite of passage, well, what was it? Oh, when I got my driver’s license? No. Yesterday you were a boy. And today you’re a man and you take on the mantle of a man. You can still live what’s in your heart to live. But there’s never been that that not never. I can’t say that. But less and less there is that that demarcation Point. And I wanted to get your thoughts on that.
So let me just say this. I grew up in Africa. At the age of three, I was transplanted from England where I was born to South Africa and grew up in the midst of a culture, specifically the Zulu people who have very strong age groups. Yes, they have these initiations at different ages, and the boys and the girls, but no more about the boys. And the boys will have a circumcision. Yep. At puberty, for example, which is a painful, dangerous thing. Yes. And they would go through this together as a group, Nelson Mandela went through this, he spoke about that. I ended up getting a degree in social anthropology because I realized I was more than a science guy. But I realized I was actually more interested in human beings and our potential than I necessarily was in physics, or math, or chemistry, which were my fields before that. So those cultures have very specific systems of mentorship. Absolutely rigid Age, Group initiations, when you reach a certain age, such and such happens when you’re a little boy, you’re looking after the chickens later on, you’re looking after the goats later on you with the cows. Right. And later on, you’re out hunting the lion, and then you’re allowed to marry. And none of those things can happen before a certain time. And before you’ve passed the test as its as,
right. Right. And, yeah,
and so much that’s so radically different from our culture,
right. And so, and I witnessed this in, in Kenya, when I was there, I saw it on the news, a woman newscasters. And this season, we will have initiation ceremonies, for 20,000, young boys, and all the hospitals and all those support systems are in place for this. And what I learned was that, yeah, they’re publicly circumcised. And if they flinch, they bring shame on their parents. Now, in that culture, for that time, in that tradition, you know, I don’t judge it. But there’s something between that extreme and nothing, right. And unfortunately, we’re swinging towards this nothing. And so we’ve got a bunch of adult children running around. And unfortunately, they’re in politics, they’re leading corporations, etc, etc.
And they were raised by women, by the way, because most of us men in this culture have to go to work. And so I was, right. If you spoke to my, the mother of my children, she would probably say you were an absentee father. And I said, Yes. Because I had to go to the city and work and bring home the bacon and bring home the money. And mom was very responsible for how other kids, including the boys were raised. Sure, yeah.
Yeah, I just like to say something. Because I always bemoaned the fact that I wasn’t part of a culture that had tradition. Okay, so what you’re saying, and then this grandmother, in native grandmother came into my life. And she said, Yeah, traditions over, I was told not, she said, I was told not to bring my all my ceremonial implements out here to Colorado, with me, because it’s over. It’s a prison. And his, you know, you have to do this at a certain time, you have to do that. Blah, blah, blah. You know, so she and this was in the 90s. And so, I think it’s just important to one thing, recognize that each culture, each color of man has a role to play in the evolution of consciousness, and the evolution of the cosmos, because everything we do affects the cosmos. Moving this in science now that the human heart and our emotions and everything actually were the same energy is all the cosmos. So we are in process and this is from the egos perspective, from Native perspective, the high visionary elder perspective, that every race has had a job to do in this process.
Well, and that’s a whole that’s a whole nother nother realm to get into and, and it’s a it’s a tough one to talk about. Especially, I mean, Dennis, you know, you and I, of course, have been in that’s been on the show before, and so I get that, but I’ll tell you what, Here’s what I think I’m, well, I’ve learned it with, with willing, Cynthia, at the gender equity and reconciliation that we’re all wounded.
Yeah, you got mutual wounding
that regardless if every one of us is wounded, or wounded, through patriarchy through however it is. And that’s our common ground. And if I can look at you, Connie, and say, Here, a wounded soul, you know, I have people look at me, so we’ll play, you’ve got everything going for you, you’re privileged, white western male. Well, I wanted to, you know, and here’s this not comparing loads, but that’s our, that’s our common ground. And if we can look at each other beyond the surface, and recognize it, that suffering, we both share, and maybe there’s hope at this higher level of consciousness. Dennis,
Dennis Tardan 51:07
I completely agree, because that’s what I, I get into that comparison mode. And that’s where I want to, because I’m a, I believe that we can this, this is where where the the whole piece of, of that comes in. Connie about about white shaming, and how this all this work, I don’t believe that that’s that’s the process at all, we each have to carry our own responsibility for who we are and how we behave to day and behave like that. But you know, and I cannot know what it’s like to be a woman, I cannot know what it’s like to just say to a child, but I can be your ally, I can be your ally, and make sure that your rights are protected, and make sure that your rights are protected, and do the best that I can to be able to do that. I can’t know another person’s, but I can be your ally, I can be your ally. And I can also walk in my own perspective, in my own truth, to be able to uplevel my consciousness on each and every day, whether I’m sitting in a meditative chair, or whether or not I’m going and helping someone across the street. I have both of those things to do. That is my work to do.
I’m going to pick up on that, Dennis, because I want to go back to Connie, something that she said early on, about how you grew up in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. And it’s incredible to me, yeah, you say I was at the top. And that’s how your your family was? And look at what your family brought. for the greater good.
Absolutely, you know, they gave away the family fortune to the people of Maine, parks and mountains. And that’s right giveaway was huge for them. That’s right,
Dennis Tardan 53:04
That’s part of the deal of really understanding what is enough. And also, I love what you said about the about returning those who have those to whom have a lot has been given a lot of expected. And they returned back to the process. And that that’s one of my great quest is to ask people, What is enough? What would be enough? And it doesn’t matter what your number is, would you know it when you got there? Does Jeff Bezos know when he gets there? When he you know, okay, I have enough. That’s all I need. And all me do we actually ask ourselves that question in the Western world. What is enough?
Our whole system is based on the problem of scarcity, our whole economic system, okay, so when the scarcity does fear, will there be enough to morrow? So then we start hoarding, okay, so in the trust frequency and a native way, the giveaway is huge. And in my family, that giveaway, okay?
Dennis Tardan 54:20
That’s circulation that things circulate in our body. What things circulate in the universe, why would they not circulate here? Why would that one place no longer be a law?
Yeah, and and it’s a it’s a, again, it’s vibration, its frequency. So when you’re in that higher frequency, there’s more abundance and you can fathom Jesus with the loaves and the fishes, etc. John Lennon with imagine, you know, they’re telling us they’re showing us something, there’s another ballgame. And we were in a lower frequency of scarcity and separation. And so that fear is So that’s what created these systems that we’ve responded to and played ball with. Right in order to survive, right? A little girl and 77 year old girl, how are you going to get a job Johnny, if you don’t go to first grade,
Loaves and fishes has a problem, and that is what are you going to do with 40 bushels of leftovers? I mean, that’s the problem. The problem is so much abundance that you can’t believe it.
Well, you’re so so right. And I mean, we’ve just, we barely even scratched the surface of this whole topic. Oh, yeah. In the men’s work. You know, I mean, we touched into that. There’s so much, much more in such a dynamic time for men, for young men. And for the second half of lifers. Absolutely. It’s just it’s an incredible time of change. And I’m heartened because I hear more and more and more of men’s work that’s being done. That is heart centered, knowing what you’re doing really healing in. And I feel like it’s so wonderful. So Dennis, back to you.
Dennis Tardan 56:15
Well, I am just so grateful. I’m just I’m so grateful that we get an opportunity, Andrew and Connie to be able to continue the conversations about all of our vibrant our vibrations and how we are bringing more compassion onto the planet because compassion has to be part of this vibrational frequency to I mean, it has to be part of who we are. And that’s what we are in search of. And that’s what we’re in search of, without and within, as we said on the other broadcast, and I’m so grateful that you would give us with another hour of your time another hour the graceful all the links for everyone who’s watching or listening will be on the on the webpage and and we look forward to continuing conversations and also we might even be able to meet some of your family and bring out have a little bit of this intergenerational conversation along the way.
I’d be willing to ask my boys if they come on.
Dennis Tardan 57:10
Good. Hi, I’d love to be able to do anyway thank you for thank you clay for inviting me along the journey of in search of the new compassionate male and Connie and Andrew, thank you so much for giving us this time today. And we will it will not be long before we will see everyone again and thank you so much for joining us in search of the new compassionate male. We’ll see you next time.
Check out the latest episode of In Search of the new compassionate male on your favorite podcast Station.
Friday night my dear friend, John Fleming, along with my producer, Dennis Tardan, and I recorded a deep, passionate and meaningful conversation about the murder of George Floyd and racism in America. I consider John to be an example of the New Compassionate Male standing in his truth with an open heart. His message is powerful and needs to be heard. A word of caution, you may be triggered by some of what is shared. I invite you to listen to this excerpt in its entirety. Additional excerpts will follow in the coming days.
John Fleming is a Prayer Chaplain and a true servant leader and volunteer at Unity Church of the Hills in Austin Texas. He is on the music team, is a Prayer Chaplain, and he is part of the Pastoral Care Team. John is Director, Advocacy and Partner Relations – Survive2Thrive Foundation | Staff Staff Services Officer at the Texas DSHS/Vital Statistics Unit.