Justin Baldoni wants to start a dialogue with men about redefining masculinity — to figure out ways to be not just good men but good humans. In a warm, personal talk, he shares his effort to reconcile who he is with who the world tells him a man should be. And he has a challenge for men: “See if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper,” Baldoni says. “Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? Are you strong enough to be sensitive? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life?”
Intellectually we know the answer is yes, however, in the moment of crisis this intellectual knowing is furthest from our mind, and true inner knowing may only come years down the road, if at all. Crisis and the resulting trauma, like a cloud, blocks the light of our higher consciousness and hides the essence of our true inner-knowing.
While others may hold space for us with the knowing that there is life after crisis, whether physically or metaphysically, we cannot hear this truth in the moment as physical survival is at the core of our human nature.
Catharsis may eventually follow and manifest as a physical and mental release from the emotional trauma of the crisis, and if we are awake to the fact that catharsis is not an end unto itself, we are able to move into deep contemplation and grow beyond catharsis.
It is here in deep contemplation where both meditation and concentration merge to enable us to begin to absorb and digest the higher truth of what has happened and begin to return to or find a higher level of consciousness and begin to apply what has been learned.
Eventually, we embody the higher truth of our journey from crisis through catharsis and contemplation, and emerge a better person and find inner peace. ~ Clay Boykin
“…if hope does not disappoint, then hope appoints….”
A few years back a dear friend sat with me as I was suffering the great disappointment of losing my job. He held space for me as I felt the sting of disappointment followed by anger, grief and struggled with a sense of desperation. At one point in the conversation he shared a portion of a bible verse that has stuck with me since: “…because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope… And hope does not disappoint us.” He went on to share that, if hope does not disappoint, then hope appoints… It wasn’t until some time later that the meaning began to sink in.
Below are a few varying, yet complimentary, perspectives on dealing with disappointment:
In his video talk, Facing Disappointment – Peter Amsterdam comments:
In each of our lives there have been times when we’ve felt that bitter sting of disappointment. When it occurs, it’s so hard to bear. The Bible says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Hope deferred, or disappointment, is really difficult to recover from.
When things don’t turn out as we’d hoped, either career-wise, or financially, in relationships, with our children, with missed opportunities that you were hoping for, it’s so difficult, so disheartening, and you can feel very alone… In the midst of times like these, the present is not only difficult, but the future seems so bleak as well. You may wonder, “Lord, where are You? Are You aware of my situation? Do You even care?”
Dealing with Disappointment – Abraham Hicks –
A feeling of disappointment is an indicator that what you are thinking right now is not a vibrational match to the desire that you hold.
When you have a desire for something and you believe that you cannot achieve it that is what that feeling of disappointment is.
All negative emotions no matter what you call it, in every single case mean you are activating a thought within you that does not match with your desire. Feeling of disappointment is a pattern of thoughts that is so constant, it is really what you believe and it is in opposition to something that you believe you want right now.
There is never any reason to be disappointed about something because everything that you want is flowing to you. Even if it seems that things are not unfolding right now the way you want.
Oprah’s advice to grads on dealing with failure:
This is what I wanna share. It doesn’t matter how far you might rise, at some point you are bound to stumble… because if you’re constantly doing what we do, raising the bar, if you are constantly pushing yourself higher, higher, the law of averages, not to mention the myth of Icarus, predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to know this, remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction. Now, when you’re down there in a hole, it looks like failure. So, this past year I had to spoon-feed those words to myself. And when you’re down in a hole, when that moment comes,… it’s really okay to feel bad for a little while. Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here’s the key: learn from every mistake… because every experience, encounter and particularly your mistakes… are there to teach you and force you into being more of who you are. And then, figure out what is the next right move.
Disappointment – the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.
“…because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us…” – John 14:27-31
After his wife died, Rick Rigsby was ready to give up. The bare minimum was good enough. Rigsby was content to go through the motions, living out his life as a shell of himself. But then he remembered the lessons his father taught him years before – something insanely simple, yet incredibly profound.
These lessons weren’t in advanced mathematics or the secrets of the stock market. They were quite straightforward, in fact, for Rigsby’s father never made it through third grade. But if this uneducated man’s instructions were powerful enough to produce a Ph.D. and a judge – imagine what they can do for you.
Join Rigsby as he dusts off time-tested beliefs and finds brilliantly simple answers to modern society’s questions. In a magnificent testament to the “Greatest Generation” which gave so much and asked so little in return, Lessons from a Third Grade Dropout will challenge you while reigniting your passion to lead a truly fulfilling life.
After all, it’s never too late to learn a little bit more about life – just ask the third-grade dropout.
When one conjures up images of General George Patton (portrayed by George C. Scott) in the epic movie, Patton, one can easily think of glory, but what about humility? Much has been written about Patton and his complex nature. Among other virtues, some say he was a man with an iron will combined with humility, at times veiled thinly behind his bluster.
Perhaps it is easier to think of Nelson Mandel as a man with an iron will combined with the virtue of humility. It is written that despite Nelson Mandela’s profound impact on South Africa, democracy and the struggle for equality around the world, he remains a famously humble man. Mandela says it was necessary to transform himself into a modest man in order to change society. During an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, this former South African president shares the importance of humility with Oprah.
These two video clips serve to only scratch the surface of the topic: Of Glory and Humility.
Shared below is an excerpt of Patton’s writings which reveal his knowing about the true nature of glory in the context of victory. His words are poignant and expressed with humility.
“For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of triumph, a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeteers, musicians and strange animals from conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conquerors rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children robed in white stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting.” – George S. Patton