In this podcast Renée Yaworsky and I share ideas on men and compassion, what women can do to support men, and the work that is for men to do with men. Renée Yaworsky drummed, sang and played guitar in various rock bands you’ve never heard of. With a background in English Literature from the University of Georgia and Oxford University, she earned a law degree at Syracuse University. She served as a reporter for the human rights organization Impunity Watch, as a fellow at the Syracuse Medical-Legal Partnership, and as a contributor to research on nostalgia. She is currently writing a biography on Peter Tork, and is the producer of the podcast: “A Conversation with Dennis Tardan”. She is also poised to publish a fictional book series featuring a touring rock band. When she’s not writing, editing, or playing music, you can find her binge-watching 60’s TV shows and dipping Milano cookies into Earl Grey tea.
Our friend, Dr. Karambu, has sent out an appeal for our support. Today, she is housing, feeding and protecting/isolating 63 children from the COVID-19 virus. Her video is compelling. Many of you remember her visit to our Men’s Circle late last December where she shared about Amani Children’s Home in Meru, Kenya. I have personally been there and witnessed the incredible work Karambu is doing and am prayerfully requesting your support.
High above the crowd she swung on her trapeze. To and fro in a mesmerizing rhythm; descending and rising as she accepted then broke away from the pull of gravity. Back, then forth, from high to low and back to high. At the apex of her arc she hung weightless in the air, and for that moment there was no up, no down, no to, no fro.
Then back as her swing reversed and took her once again to an apex. Then down, her trajectory fueled by her muscular intentions set free. Set free to thrust her down as if to welcome and enhance the gravitational pull towards earth. Then up once again, higher and into a new space of weightlessness. There she released her grasp on the known. Her body floated motionless in anticipation of the other acrobat’s hands rising to meet hers. Motionless, in pause, where seemingly nothing was happening, but where everything in the universe was acting upon her to present her into a special space.
During a call the other day with my dear friends of Gender Equity and Reconciliation International, the term, liminal space, was eloquently spoken of and held up as a metaphor, that of being at the threshold of possibility.
There have been times recently when I have felt in betwixt and in between, not fully here, nor there; but then I realize I am not there at all. I am in the liminal space; in pause, in suspense, trusting the universe to hold me safely as new possibilities arise.
As she paused in mid-air two hands came up to meet hers. The acrobat grasped her wrists; as she too took a firm grip they coursed their way down acting on their intentions and rose high together and into that place of exhilaration and anticipation; then back, then forth, then back, then forth, rising higher and higher each time, and each time pausing at the apex, and pausing within the liminal space, where all things are possible.
Recently, I hosted a workshop on Ideation, Mind-mapping and Reframing. This podcast includes comments from a few of the participants. – During the workshop we discussed how the world is in lockdown. How many are disoriented and frozen in fear and unable to create their new normal. For almost 40 years I have helped individuals and organizations conceptualize, think counterintuitively, and unleash their creativity and full potential. I train them how to reframe and find answers to their burning questions. If you have a burning question, feel disoriented, or just need a sounding board, I invite you to contact me directly.
Edafe Okporoarrived to the United States from Nigeria in 2016 seeking asylum due to persecution he faced in his native country for being gay. Okporo is now using his own personal experience to help guide other LGBTQ asylum-seeking refugees at a shelter in Harlem. In my search I would have to say that Edafe is an example of a New Compassionate Male.
My life, as you will read, has taken me from one place to another. Bed Number 26 is the story of how I fought my way out of constant persecution and reclaimed my freedom. It is my hope that by sharing my experience and my pain, you will begin to understand why people are forced to immigrate. This is a revealing memoir and empowering manifesto, with contributions from other asylees, refugees, and Nigerians. Nong Richie was born in one country and came of age in another more visible placeNigeria. In a strange world where he was continually persecuted, living soon became a personal nightmare of constant mob attacks and deaths of his friends to HIV. Nong escaped into the world of his mind from the expository details of the war he suffered as a child and high-profile attacks against gay Nigerians. Every detail of his personal life became public, and the realities of an inherently unlawful society emerged with every script of this book. The detention center packaged his trauma as a bombshell, hijacking his image and identity and making profit from every night he spent in it. Bed Number 26 is his raw, honest, and poignant accounta no-holds-barred, pull-no-punches account for the persecution of him and his community. He was a fearless activist and an unstoppable force for change who was determined to expose the truth. The target demographics of this book are clients of Immigration Equality, immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers, attorneys representing Immigration Equality, clients and volunteers of First Friends, Eat Offbeat clients, and the network of mine from the United Nations department of NGOs.
Back in the 1980’s, as I was beginning to find my stride inside Motorola, we were faced with many large changes on a corporate-wide basis. These were not product changes, although there were plenty of those as well. These were changes that sought to speak to the essence of the Motorola culture and the essence of leadership. For me, it was both an exciting as well as a confusing time. I passionately believed in the essence of servant leadership, and what I was hearing at the corporate level had the same key elements. As well, there were many programs and processes that were being implemented corporate-wide such as Six-Sigma, 10x Cycle Time Reduction, etc… and, quite frankly, it was confusing for even the best to piece together into day-to-day action.
I was inspired by the corporate messages speaking to our culture such as, “Constant respect for people and uncompromising integrity” so I set out to wrap my head around my personal leadership style, and put this into context with the wave of activity inside the company; this to provide focus and meaning to the organization for which I was the marketing director.
An eight month self-study began which crossed many disciplines and perspectives. I went back to what was instilled in me about leadership during my time in the Marine Corps. I pulled books from my shelf at home by Peter Drucker-Frontiers of Management, Tom Peters-Thriving on Chaos, The Armed Forces Officers Handbook, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner-The Leadership Challenge, Robert F. Allen-The Organization Unconscious, and of course Robert Greenleaf on Servant Leadership. There were many more but these stood out most to me. My goal was to bring together the essence of leadership as described by all of these authors, mix in what I learned day-to-day in the Corps, and find the common threads buried within the Corporate messages, and decide how I intended to lead.
Along the way I was reminded that one could not go wrong taking to heart what Peter Drucker had to say; and while I loved the passion of Tom Peters, I knew that I could not show up as a “mono-manic with a mission” as he put it. And the Armed Forces Officers Handbook, while pragmatic in its approach offered sound advice about leading and life in general.
The Leadership Challenge really spoke to me. Within it’s five principles I began to find the common thread that brought Drucker, Peters, Allen, Kouses and Posner together with what I had been taught in the Marine Corps. Things began to solidify for me and I became grounded in my beliefs on leadership. I was finding my voice, and The Leadership Challenge was the common thread that tied them all together with the Corporate mantras.
Kouses and Posner summarized it with five principles:
Creating an inspired vision
Modeling the way
Enabling others to act
Challenging the process
Encouraging the heart
All spoke loudly to me. The ones I will touch on here are: “creating and inspired vision” and “encouraging the heart.” We had the technology, we had talent, the resources to grow, and we had the brand name. We also had stress, tension, egos, and disagreements on technologies that would seem to cross into the esoteric. If you singled anyone out and gave them a truth serum one would invariably find an undercurrent of fear.
The popular book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall used fear as the underlying motivator: In the book he writes: “Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”
I remember hearing Born to Run quoted many times over the years. What was odd to me was that its premise was fear. Semantics, maybe, but it’s worth considering whether or not any of us would rather be led by fear, or led though inspiration and encouragement; and whether or not you want your team to be running away from failure or running towards a vision.
Creating an inspired vision, Modeling the way, Enabling others to act, Challenging the process, Encouraging the heart; The common I had found the common thread and I had found my voice.
With this book, Clay Boykin has created a spiritual blueprint for men around the world. Not only does this book provide a detailed guide for starting and maintaining a men’s group, but it also contains rich insight into the struggles and challenges of being a spiritual male in today’s western culture. Clay’s authenticity, honesty, and vulnerability make this an endearing read for both men and women trying to understand male or masculine spirituality. Told through his experience, Clay shares a story we can all relate too. It is rich with practical and personal insight that helps break down the complexity of the human spirit. I especially enjoyed the testimonials from those who have had the opportunity sit amongst Clay and experience this counter-intuitive process. I highly recommend this to anyone interested in learning more about their own spirituality or someone wanting to start their own group
I just finished reading the book “Circles of Men” and found it very informative and inspiring in helping me become a better Men’s Circle facilitator. I have recently begun the Consciously Evolving Men facebook and meetup groups based in Portland, ME, and also as an online community. I appreciate the ideas of gathering men in a more open and relaxed manner (versus a therapy group type format) that encourages simple authentic conversations and presence. We are all wisdom-keepers and when we come together and share our experiences we are all that much stronger and better equipped to evolve in conscious and positive ways. Thank you for this fantastic resource and all the work you are doing!
If you're looking for clarity or just need a fresh perspective, I'm here to help. Click here for a complimentary 20-minute 1:1 chat. No pressure, just a conversation to see how I can support you on your journey.
My life, as you will read, has taken me from one place to another. Bed Number 26 is the story of how I fought my way out of constant persecution and reclaimed my freedom. It is my hope that by sharing my experience and my pain, you will begin to understand why people are forced to immigrate. This is a revealing memoir and empowering manifesto, with contributions from other asylees, refugees, and Nigerians. Nong Richie was born in one country and came of age in another more visible placeNigeria. In a strange world where he was continually persecuted, living soon became a personal nightmare of constant mob attacks and deaths of his friends to HIV. Nong escaped into the world of his mind from the expository details of the war he suffered as a child and high-profile attacks against gay Nigerians. Every detail of his personal life became public, and the realities of an inherently unlawful society emerged with every script of this book. The detention center packaged his trauma as a bombshell, hijacking his image and identity and making profit from every night he spent in it. Bed Number 26 is his raw, honest, and poignant accounta no-holds-barred, pull-no-punches account for the persecution of him and his community. He was a fearless activist and an unstoppable force for change who was determined to expose the truth. The target demographics of this book are clients of Immigration Equality, immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers, attorneys representing Immigration Equality, clients and volunteers of First Friends, Eat Offbeat clients, and the network of mine from the United Nations department of NGOs.
